All Joking Aside
by The Fico
Summary: A Shepard and Joker story. Why can't the pilot get some love?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever Mass Effect fanfic. Anything in italics are thoughts! Joker and Shepard

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All Joking Aside

Chapter1:

Smooth Beginnings

"Better watch out sir, I think Nihlus us coming your way."

"He's already here Joker, tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the conference room."

Joker put his face in his hands, "Ah crap. I assume you heard that Commander?"

Laura Shepard laughed and flipped her shoulder-length hair from her stunning brown eyes, "Smooth Joker. I'll go now."

_Real smooth, _thought Joker as he turned to the copilot's seat. "Hey Alenko, what do you think of the Commander?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, "She was a hero during the Blitz, Earth-born. From what I've heard, she'll save practically anybody she can. She seems nice, and of course, she's very easy on the eyes."

"My thoughts exactly replied Joker as his panel pinged. Joker flipped the switch, and a HUD camera angle came up on the screen. Some sort of battle was taking place, but since the guy and his female partner were running for their lives, the attackers could not be seen. The camera jerked, and fell to the ground. _Dead. _The woman began screaming into the feed above the din. Then, what looked like a large claw came from the sky. _What the hell is that?_

"Alenko, you might want to suit up," he told the Lieutenant and then connected to the conference room. "Captain Anderson? You might want to see this."

Joker waited as the three watched the feed, and prepared for his next order. "Joker, take us in quick nod quiet."

"Aye, sir," he said, and activated the Normandy's stealth systems. Nihlus was the first to be dropped off, followed by the commander, Alenko, and Jenkins.

_Now comes the boring part. Stay out of sight, orbit the planet, keep in contact, blah, blah, blah. _Joker set the autopilot, and prepared for the event that was taking a leak. Gathering his crutches from under the console, Joker hauled himself out of his chair. _Humans can now travel throughout the galaxy to hundreds of systems and even build a stealth cruiser. But can they cure Vrolik disease? No, absolutely ridiculous. _After relieving himself, Joker eased back into his chair just in time to see Alenko's HUD camera depict several robots fall to gunfire.

"Geth? Beyond the Perseus Veil?"

"Where have you been Joker? We're almost done here, we just saved the colony," replied Laura.

"My apologies Commander, I didn't think that there would be a test."

"There's the beacon," said the woman that Joker recognized from the video distress call. Alenko's HUD identified her as Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. _Attractive, but she's got nothing on the commander._ As Joker thought these thoughts, Commander Shepard removed her helmet, showing her sweat drenched hair and brow. _Sexy, even under duress._

Joker watched as the beacon steadily got bigger because Alenko was cautiously stepping forward. The picture began to distort, and it was not until Alenko jerked forward, that Joker realized that it was an energy field. The pilot could only watch as the camera suddenly jerked away and smack into Williams. It then turned to show that now the Commander was trapped and being lifted into the air. From Alenko's point of view, Shepard appeared to be having some sort of violent spasm until the beacon exploded knocking Laura unconscious. _Ah crap. _Before he received any orders, Joker began locking onto the Commander's signal, and began bringing the Normandy out of autopilot in order to land.

Joker could only sit and watch as they brought Shepard onboard, and into the medical bay with Dr. Chakwas. Almost everybody onboard went to see Laura, everybody except Joker. He was stuck charting the course to the Citadel. Hours later, as the pilot was busy with his console, two hands covered his eyes.

"Guess who."

"Now let me think. Feminine hands, and there are only three women onboard. Strong, nice voice, and that oh so sexy scent of sweat mixed with strawberry perfume. It has to be Miss Laura Shepard."

Joker could see again, but received a flick to the back of the head. "That's Commander Laura Shepard to you. Captain Anderson wants me to see that you get us onto the Citadel alive."

"You're in luck, I was just about to bring us in," remarked the pilot, as Kaidan and Ashley came up behind the Commander. As the Normandy exited the relay, the crew gasped at the sight before them. The Council's flagship, the Destiny Ascension, drifted into view, and caught the Gunnery Chief's eyes.

"Look at the size of that ship, its huge!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah well, size isn't everything," shot Joker, causing the Commander to chuckle.

"That main gun could tear the Normandy in two."

"Doesn't mean a thing if you don't have a good pilot," Joker retorted, feeling unappreciated. _That thing couldn't catch me in years._

Once they were assigned a docking bay, Joker sat back and put his arms behind his head. _Nothing to do now except refuel, relax, and wait for our next orders that will get us off this station._ He waited for the Normandy to be refueled, and then took the elevator to the C-Sec headquarters. _Ah, the beauty of the fast transport system,_ mused Joker as he accessed the terminal. _Minimizes the walking. It helps fat people and cripples of all species._ As he arrived at Flux, the bar, casino, and dance club, Joker hobble to a seat and watched the various patrons.

About an hour later, Joker was surprised to see Commander Shepard walk into Flux with a quarian. As shocking as this was, Joker was much more frightened by the very large krogan that was behind her. _He's got the jump on them,_ he thought desperately. The pilot drew his pistol sidearm, "Commander, behind you." And then Joker stood. At the sudden speed, his left shinbone cracked, and gave way, but not before the pilot was able to let a shot go towards the krogan. Joker never saw what happened next, as his head hit the table next to him, causing him to blackout.

_Smooth._


	2. Chapter 2: Brace Yourself

Thanks to all who read Chapter 1. Here's 2

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Chapter 2:

Brace Yourself

Joker awoke in the medical bay of the Normandy feeling thoroughly embarrassed, and in extreme pain. _Jesus Joker, what did you get yourself into?_ He was not awake long when Dr. Chakwas, Commander Shepard, and the same krogan were looking over him. "What the hell Commander?" asked Joker struggling to scramble away.

"Easy Joker, you've already injured yourself tonight," said the doctor.

"Pretty good shot, for a pilot," stated the krogan.

"Joker, this is Wrex. He'll be helping us stop Saren, no need to be shooting him," explained Laura.

"So I've pretty much embarrassed myself in front of several different races, and of course the people I'll be spending the next couple of months with," said Joker, shaking his head.

"I need to know exactly what is going on Joker, especially with all that's happened," said Shepard crossing her arms.

"All that's happened? Commander, either I've been out for way too long, or you've been busy in the last couple of hours."

After being filled in on the new crewmembers, Saren's evil plot, the commander's promotion to a Spectre, and Captain Anderson's relinquishing of the Normandy, Joker's head was spinning. "Now I need to know everything about my crew Joker. So what is your story?"

"I get it, you read my file, let me tell you something Commander. Those medals? I've earned them, along with my first class rank in flight school. I didn't get any pity grades because of my disease," responded the pilot, getting agitated.

"What are you talking about Joker? What disease?" queried Shepard spreading her arms out defensively.

"Don't act like you don't know. It's why I'm here now," when his commanding officer raised an eyebrow and looked at Dr. Chakwas, Joker realized his mistake. "You mean you don't know? Make that embarrassment two, Joker zero. I have Vrolik disease, brittle bones. My legs were shattering in the womb. There's no cure, but with my crutches, I've been deemed a 'functioning member of society'. My ass. Regardless, I'm the best damn pilot the Alliance has, and I don't need my legs to drive the Normandy. I could make this ship tap dance for you. Just don't ask me to dance, unless you enjoy the sound of snapping shinbones."

His mini rant finished, Joker let out a deep sigh, and gathered his crutches in order to get to the cockpit. Before he could get up the stairs, the pilot felt Shepard's hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Joker, I didn't mean to offend you. I appreciate what you tried to do though."

"Hey, somebody has to watch your back instead of your butt Commander," teased Joker, nodding over to Alenko's post.

"Very inappropriate Jeff Moreau," Shepard jabbed back. "How did that become Joker?"

Continuing up the stairs in order to save time Joker replied, "Well, it's a hell of a lot shorter, and plus an instructor called me that one day in class, and it just kind of stuck. Something about my lack of smiles."

"Aw, and why couldn't the soon to be master pilot smile?"

"Hey, you don't get to be the best pilot by smiling like a jackass. I worked my ass off in flight school. One guess who was smiling at graduation," Joker noted.

Finally at the pilot's seat, Joker tucked his crutches under the console, and sat heavily. The pilot readjusted his new brace on his left leg, and frowned at his new accessory. _Well, not my first brace, and it probably won't be my last. _"So where can this dashing pilot take you Commander?"

"Artemus Tau cluster if you would Joker. Not exactly the most romantic location for a dashing pilot, but it's our destination nonetheless."

"Aye aye ma'am."

As Joker piloted the course to the appropriate relay, the Commander was busy checking on her crew one on one. The luxuries of being in the cockpit was that all conversation made their way to the pilot's ears via radio channel. Normally, the channel is used to locate a crewmember so that the pilot can contact them in the appropriate room. Joker ticked off the conversations one by one in his head. _Alenko is an L2 and gets migraines, the krogan species is dying out, Vakarian hated C-Sec, Ashley wishes we had gotten to Eden Prime sooner, Tali loves the Normandy._

Eventually, Laura came to the cockpit. "Joker, can you page Wrex and Garrus for me?"

"What's the matter Commander? Your legs broken too?"

"No, that elevator is slower than evolution," replied the Commander.

"No Alenko? I'm shocked that you aren't taking your biggest fan," pushed the pilot.

"I like to rotate my crew. And as much as I would like to take you, your accuracy could use some work."

"In my defense Commander, I never really used my pistol, and I was falling," Joker reminded her.

"Excuses, excuses. How long do we have?"

"Pick a system, then a planet, and I'll let you know. Scans indicate a marked Prothean ruin on Therum in the Knossos system, so I'll suggest there."

"Sounds good, page the two, and prepare to drop the Mako on Therum. Stupid elevator."

Chuckling at Shepard's dismay, Joker returned to his console and selected Therum._ Volcanic planet, high heat danger, and an asari that could be dangerous. Perfect._ Once everybody and everything was in position, Joker dropped the Mako on what looked like a trail for machinery through the lava to the ruins. _Perhaps a little too convenient, but it's as close as I can get them under the drop guidelines. _It was once again time for Joker to orbit the planet while conducting scans so that there were no surprises for the Commander. As the Normandy scanned, Joker looked back on his conversations with Shepard.

_Does she feel the same way about you as you feel about her?_

_Be reasonable, she has to be professional._

_That flirting was not very professional right?_

_Just play it cool and don't embarrass yourself._

_Too late for that genius._

_Shut up._

Joker's musings were interrupted as his console marked several high readings around the ruins and dig site. The pilot checked on the Commander's progressed and noted that she ran into an impasse with the Mako and was disembarking. Joker clicked on the COM, "Commander, I'm getting some high readings here, watch yourself. And that debris is a little too well placed."

The radio crackled to life, "I agree. Pick up the Mako, and stay close."

"Aye Commander," he responded, and began landing the Normandy.

With the Mako back in the Normandy, Joker continued his orbiting procedures and kept up with Shepard's progress. After defeating the geth that landed at the dig site, she had entered the ruins, and continued steadily downward. It was not long when several alarms echoed throughout the cockpit from the scanners. Some sort of explosion rocked the planet underground and began shifting several of the planet's the tectonic plates.

_Lava planet plus shifting plates equals eruption. Not good._

As if on cue, the radio once again crackled in on the pilot's ears. "Joker, lock in on my signal and prepare for e-vac, on the double mister."

"Yes ma'am, give me ten minutes," he replied, bracing for the worse.

"Make it five, and I'll buy you dinner."

"No dinner required Commander, see you in five." Joker wiped his brow, and began furiously deactivating the autopilot, and locking on the Shepard's signal. The Normandy arrived just as four beings exited the dig site. Everybody scrambled onboard just in time as lava began to flood the planet's surface.

In a post mission debriefing, everybody gathered in the conference room to be updated. Before the meeting could begin Joker felt the need to voice take on the mission. "For future reference Commander, try to avoid planets with lava and explosions. They tend to melt our hulls and fry our systems." The pilot waited as the rest of the crew became aquainted with Liara, the asari they had rescued. _Our ship is like a peace treaty to almost every race. Except for maybe the batarians, but they're pirates and thugs._ After everybody was dismissed, Joker patched Laura to the Council for a mission report, and braced for any arguments. But none came. He was amazed at how calm and cool his superior remained under the criticism of the turian councilor.

Finished with the Council, Shepard made her way over to the pilot, who was, as always, busy with his console. "So Commander, when do I get my medal? I like gold, but silver ain't bad."

"Medal?"

"Yeah, for pulling your boots out of the fire, literally."

"First of all, 'pulling my boots out of the fire' is your job," she said with a smirk. "And two, you wouldn't like getting a medal. It's a bunch of bureacrats giving speeches as you sit there."

"Yeah, and they would probably make me shave. I've been working on this baby for six months," said Joker, rubbing his beard.

"Not the beard! That would be a travesty, you look too good with one."

"Thanks Commander. Where to now?"

"Back to the Citadel, I need supplies."

"Maybe even some dinner?" queried the pilot with a wink.

"Perhaps," replied Shepard with a matching wink and smirk.

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So two chapter in two days. Hoping to keep delivering good chapters. Let me know.


	3. Chapter 3: Flux Revisited

Thanks to all that read and reviewed. Please excuse any spelling issues due to my evil dyslexia. I kindly ask that you write me where the errors are if possible. Thanks for your anticipated help and future reading.

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Chapter 3:

Flux Revisited

Needless to say, Joker was not exactly exited about going back to Flux, seeing how he did not have the best track record there. _As long as I get to spend some time with the Commander, it doesn't matter._ Joker was not waiting long at the table, when Laura walked in looking stunning. She wore black slacks with white pinstripes, with a red collared shirt that caressed her every curve. Joker looked down at his own apparel in disgust. _Idiot, you knew this was slightly date like didn't you?_

Laura sat at the table without a word, but only smiled at her pilot. For Joker, it was the first time he really had looked at his superior officer. He gazed at her face, studying her every feature as intensely as his old flight school holo-books. Her lips were thin, and naturally pink and slowly faded to her pale white skin. Her nose was skinny and small, but sported a thin scar across the bridge. Her eyes were the next feature on the pilot's to admire list. They were still the same striking brown that he knew, but the left iris cut into the pupil like an arrow.

"Well Joker?"

"Right, words. They help don't they?"

"That's what they say."

"Well Commander, you know my story, and those holovids don't count for much. What can you tell me about yourself? For starters, how did your eye come to look like that?"

"As rude as that was, I was born with it. Believe it or not, this crack shooter right here, can only see out of her right eye."

"Really can I check that story?" queried Joker.

Laura nodded, and closed her right eye. Joker paused, and stuck one finger out, and began moving it back and forth in front of her. Satisfied, Joker was about to put his finger down when Laura grabbed his wrist with a smirk. Joker yelped in surprise, "I thought you couldn't see."

"Shadows, nothing more. Just don't ask me to use a sniper rifle on the left side."

"Moving on," said Joker, trying to learn as much as he could. "What about all those stories about you and the Blitz?"

Laura sighed heavily and looked down at her folded hands, "Pirates, thugs, privateers, whatever you want to call them, all organized to attack Elysium. I rallied the people and we bunkered down. We barely held them off until reinforcements arrived. I got the Star of Terra, it was a bunch of crap."

"Hey, Commander, if you don't want to talk about it I-"

"No Joker," she said and bit her lip. "You deserve to know. Do you know how many colonists lived on Elysium?"

"Millions?" queried the pilot.

"Seven million. I only gathered several thousand. I didn't even save half of the populace, and I got a medal? Half of them saved themselves or died. Women, children, all lost. I-." And there it was. The first time that Joker had ever heard Shepard stutter. The effect on the pilot was immediate, he moved his chair closer until he was finally sitting next to the Commander. Once there, he wrapped his arms around Laura in an attempt to comfort her. Shepard finally broke down, and laid her head on her pilot's chest, and began to softly cry. "Everyday, I hear the cries of those that were trapped outside of our bunker as the orbital bombardment hit them. I fight for those that I lost"

"We all do Commander."

Laura wiped her tears away, and tore her head from its imprint of Joker shirt. "Some date I am."

"Not a problem Commander."

"No, I mean it Joker. I don't think I would have acted this way in front of the rest of the crew. Only you make me feel comfortable enough to actually discuss the topic. I usually just take the praise, and change subjects."

"I'm flattered Commander," said Joker, looking at his watch. "I think we should get back to the Normandy. No use in you getting drunk, because then there would be two people hobbling back to C-Sec."

Shepard laughed and helped Joker to his feet. "Come on smart-ass." As Joker was assisted, he could not help but feel like a teenager again. _What are you getting so excited about idiot? She's just helping you because you're a cripple. As nice as her touch is, you have to realize that she puts the mission first, and so should you._

As they made their way to C-Sec, the two chatted about the many races that inhabited the Citadel. Joker was surprised when Laura revealed what she had learned about the asari from Liara. "They can mate with any species and any gender? Freaky."

"I thought you of all people would be accepting of different things Joker," responded Laura. "Don't tell me you never thought about getting your hands on an asari."

"Get my hands on one and then do what? I didn't know they could what was it? Meld? I thought it was like any other species. And as you can probably tell, physical activity of such nature would hurt."

Laura blushed at the plot's remarks and avoided eye contact. Joker did the same, but couldn't help smiling like a jackass. Joker was about to wonder why they did not take the fast transport system, when two thugs approached them. "Well, well. What do we have hear?" queried the taller and more ugly of the two.

"Looks like a happy couple," said the slightly less tall one who was no looker either. "One blushing maiden, and the other a scruffy cripple. How cute."

_Idiots. They don't recognize the Commander out of her uniform._ It was very obvious that two were very drunk, judging by their disheveled looks, and the smell of urine mixed with alcohol. The tallest of the pair reached for Laura wrist, while the short one advanced towards Joker. The pilot swiftly lifted his right crutch into his assailant's groin, followed by the left crutch to the top of his head, knocking him unconscious. Before Laura could register this and focus on her attacker, Joker had already clipped him behind the kneecap, and followed up with another strike to the face after the giant human was down on his knees.

"My hero," joked Laura, pretending to swoon.

"Yeah, now I'll take to you to my secret lair. I call it the Normandy," he replied with a grin.

Finally entering the elevator from The Wards to C-Sec, the two listened intently to the news, hoping for any signs of Saren. Instead, the reporter mentioned Feros ad several problems Exo-Geni was having there. _Great, already trouble waiting for us._ After exiting the first elevator, and entering the second up to the docking bay, Joker could not help but wonder if they were ever going to catch Saren.

When he voiced this query to Laura she responded determinedly, "He can't do anything he wants now. He can only hide for so long. We'll find him, even if we have to go planet by planet. Joker nodded in agreement. _And I'll b right there with you Commander._

Once settled back in the Normandy, Joker went to his chair, and Laura went to her quarters. Joker was just beginning a systems check, when Wrex came lumbering behind him. "So kid, how was Shepard?"

"Meaning?"

Wrex chuckled darkly, "How did it work exactly? Being cripple and all."

It was Joker turn to laugh, "I didn't have sex with the Commander if that's what you mean."

"Heh, then Garrus owes me twenty creds. Stay with it rookie, she sees something in you. What that is, I can't tell."

"Thanks Wrex, but shouldn't you be doing something?"

"When the shooting starts, let me know, and I'll do plenty," said Wrex as he walked away.

"Charming."

Halfway through his systems check, Williams came slinking in, drawing the stares of the other crewmembers. "So how did you convince the Commander to take you on a date?"

"Come on Williams, I know you look at me too. I don't blame you, I'm a looker."

"You're something alright. But if you hurt the Commander you're in for a world of hurt. Girls stick together you know."

"Don't you mean run in packs?" teased Joker, ducking a smack to his head. "I'm a little more worried about her hurting me. If I keep waking everywhere with her, my arms are going to be huge."

"Just watch yourself," called Ashley over her shoulder.

_Like I have a choice. One wrong with the Commander, and everybody on this ship will tear me limb from limb. They can keep my legs though._ With the status check finally finished, Joker was happy to hear Laura footsteps behind him. "Just say the word Commander, and I'll give you the stars."

"Cute. Eany meany miny Feros. How long do we have until we reach it?"

"I'd say about a day Commander."

"Then goodnight Joker," said Laura, and then she kissed her pilot's cheek. "Thanks for dinner and kicking some ass."

"My name is Laura Shepard. Single, white female who enjoy walks on the Citadel and dinners at Flux. I love guys that crack jokes and occasionally kick ass," teased Joker imitating the personal dating holo-ads.

"That's enough of out of you," she said kindly. "Wake me and hour before we arrive. Goodnight Joker."

"See ya." _Idiot, you couldn't say something better than that? Apparently not._

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Let me know what you think please. By the way, i don't own any of the characters Bioware does! Hurray Bioware!


	4. Chapter 4: Feros

I own nothing, so sad... So thanks to all that have reviewed the past chapters. Once again, excuse any switched letters! Sorry!

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Chapter 4:

Feros

In between checking on the crew and actually piloting the Normandy, Joker spent the remainder of his time learning as much as he could about Feros. _Always better to know what you're getting yourself into. No use in getting killed as soon as we land. _The plot learned that Feros was once a Prothean planet, and that many of the buildings still stood. Instead of rebuilding entirely, the new colony that was recently established just moved into the already established architecture. The colony was growing with the help of a company called Exo-Geni. _Until the geth attacked. What do they want on Feros?_

"Doing your homework Joker?" asked Laura as she settled into the pilot's chair. "Learn anything interesting?"

"Another test? I thought I graduated years ago."

Shepard snatched the files on Feros as Joker went back to his piloting. "Prothean city, new colony, Exo-Geni. I don't see what the geth would want here to launch such an offensive. "

"Maybe they just want to wipe out humanity, and the colonists put up a fight. It's not like Saren of the geth to give up," noted Joker.

"I guess we'll find out in…?"

"Ten minutes Commander. Who's going with you this time?"

"Decisions decisions. I think I'll take Alenko and Dr. T'Soni."

"Dr.? Oh, Liara? Got enough biotic power there Commander?" queried Joker as Shepard got up from the chair next to him.

"I'm proficient enough at hacking and electronics, but I lack biotic defenses and attacks. Those powers work extremely well against the geth, and Alenko also provides Alliance firepower," reasoned Laura.

"Sounds good Commander," said Joker as Laura went to leave. "And Commander?"

"Yes Joker?"

"Be careful."

"I always am."

"Wow, talk about cliché Commander," teased Joker.

"Was it that bad?" asked Shepard holding in a laugh.

"It was really bad."

"Just page Liara and Kaidan to the airlock," said Laura as she went to her locker to get her supplies.

Joker did as asked, and entered the atmosphere of Feros. He was not surprised when he received nothing on the COM channels and no orders for a particular dock. _I would not be surprised if the geth knocked out communications or if the colony is on radio silence._ Once docked, and the shore party gathered around the airlock, Joker punched the door button, and brought the HUD camera monitors online.

The pilot received static for his troubles, and he pressed the button to contact the Commander. "Ma'am? Can somebody bring their HUD online?" Five seconds passed, and Shepard's camera came up on screen. The party barely exited the Normandy when a person stopped them from getting any closer. Geth fighters that entered from the nearby staircase instantly killed him. _Poor guy never had a chance. _Joker hit the record button and went to visit Dr. Chakwas.

"Hello Jeffery," said the good doctor, turning away from her work. "Come for something in particular, or just a visit?"

Joker hobbled over to the nearby examination table, and sat. "How about a cure?" sighed the pilot, referring to his disease.

"Sorry, but no. I don't know if other races have a cure, but as of now, the Alliance and humans are still working to find cures to several diseases," replied Dr. Chakwas. "But seriously, are you here for something? Is there anything you need?"

"I would like to get this brace off my leg, if you don't mind," requested Joker pointing to his brace he received from his Flux incident.

"Certainly Jeffery, it should be fine now," she said, as she carefully removed the device. While this would have taken seconds for any normal patient, this process actually took roughly a half hour.

With the bothersome brace finally off, Joker began slowly making his way towards the steps. He was halfway to reaching the steps, when the elevator opened and Tali stepped out. "Hey Joker, visiting Dr. Chakwas?"

"Yep, and you?" he queried back.

"Just looking to explore. The Normandy is truly an amazing ship," said the quarian as she looked around some more.

"If you want I can give you a tour, but it'll be a little slow," said Joker, adjusting his crutches to prove his point.

"Sure."

Joker proceeded to give Tali the tour of the Normandy. Since they were already on the second floor, Joker started with the medical bay, the sleeper pods, and Shepard's quarters.

"Shepard actually sleeps?" inquired Tali.

"I know, amazing."

Continuing up the steps, Joker pointed out the navigation map and its complimenting computers. This was followed by the heat computers that made sure that the Normandy would not overheat and to dump the appropriate amount of heat in order to remain stealth. "And of course the all-important pilot's chair," said Joker. "Nothing could happen without an excellent pilot."

Tali's laugh was slightly mechanic, but still pleasant, "Of course Joker."

After being careful not to fall down the steps, Joker pushed the elevator button. After waiting several minutes, the pilot began to grow impatient. _The best ship the Alliance has, with the slowest elevator ever. Let's hope that nothing hinges on getting to the third deck quickly._ It finally opened, and the duo shuffled in and awaited the equally long trip back down. The third deck tour included the Mako, the drop off door, Ashley's table, and then they stopped at Wrex.

"And here my friend is Wrex, a krogan. Notice his giant hump, the scaly skin, and of course the impressive but unseen four testicles!" Here, Tali could not decide if Joker was hilarious or disgusting, and so let out a mix of laughter and gagging.

Wrex pushed off of his leaning post and eyed the pilot. "I might seem weird to you humans, but to my people, the humans are the freaks."

Sobered by the scathing comment, Joker escorted Tali to the engine room. "I hope you enjoyed your tour of the Normandy provided by Joker's Guided Tour. Not to be confused with Guided Tours by Joker." The pilot left to the snickers of Adams and Tali and hobbled up the steps after enduring yet another elevator ride. As he settled into his chair, Joker was about to raise his console out of sleep mode, when there was clawing and pounding on the Normandy's hull. Clicking an exterior camera, the pilot saw that colonists were the culprits.

Remaining calm, Joker contacted the Commander and informed her of the current situation. "Joker, be sure not to harm the colonists no matter what. Just keep them away if you can."

"Aye ma'am," he responded, and flicked on the shields. With the HUD cameras visible once more, Joker watched as Laura employed a grenade that released a gas that seemed to snap the colonists out of some sort of stupor. After watching the leader of the colony kill himself, Joker gasped as he saw what the mission log noted as the Thorian. The bulbous creature kept cloning an asari that utterly disgusted Liara. The party was able to find the creature's weak spot, and began attacking the nodes that attached the behemoth to the giant chamber. With the last node detached, the creature plummeted to its death.

What came next absolutely baffled Joker. The asari was actually a prisoner given by Saren to the Thorian, and apparently the turian and the geth wanted to eliminate the creature to cover their tracks. The green asari then wanted to give Laura what was called the Cipher in order to understand her vision from the Eden Prime beacon. The HUD camera shook violently as the asari shouted, "Embrace eternity!" Joker tensed in his seat until Shepard ceased shaking and kept talking.

Letting out his held breath, Joker wiped his brow and waited until the shore party arrived back on the Normandy. The crew once again gathered in the conference room to review the mission. Joker watched, as Liara shouted the same thing the Thorian's servant had said with the same effect. Shepard began shaking, and her eyes started to roll to the back of head. It was over quickly after it started and Liara looked exhausted. It seemed that it depicted the Reapers destroying the Protheans.

With the crew dismissed, Joker connected his Commander to the Council. To Joker, each member of the Council seemed to be on varying degrees of the good vs. evil spectrum. The salarian councilor seemed to hold the view that nothing mattered but the mission. He held the opinion that the Thorian needed to be exterminated. Meanwhile, the turian member wanted her to save the Thorian in order to study it._ Is he crazy? Look what happened to Exo-Geni._ The asari member seemed to want to stay neutral. _I guess that having different opinions helps to make sure that nothing is too easily agreed upon._

After ending the communication and filing the mission logs, Joker waited until Laura came up and took her usual post mission seat in the seat next to him. "Now that was an interesting mission," noted Joker.

"Oh? I was under the assumption that you were busy giving a tour," teased Laura.

"Hey, I had my communicator with me in case of emergencies," reasoned Joker.

"Well now you can have Tali do the tour. If we needed to leave in a hurry we would have had problems," replied Laura turning serious.

"Understood Commander. It won't happen again."

Laura's expression softened and she put her hands behind her head. "I think we should go back o the Citadel, and get some rest. Just for a day, you know, to recharge."

"As you wish Commander, but I was under the impression that we were pressed for time," replied the pilot, giving her a look with a raised eyebrow. "I think you want another date with your dashing pilot."

Laura laughed heartily, "First, Saren's plans have stalled because we are on to him, and his Spectre status was revoked. Second, what if I do?"

"I'm just making sure, because I'll need about an hour to change."

"Come as you are Joker, I will too. Get us to the Citadel mister dashing pilot."

Joker gave a smirk and began the lift off procedures. Despite his lack of serious alone time with Laura, the pilot appreciated that she took the time to personally request their next location.

_I guess I'm more entertaining than the navigational map._

_Come on, she digs you._

_What about all the regs?_

_Hey stupid, she's a Spectre now._

_Do I really have a shot?_

_Hey, none of that. Be yourself and things will be fine._

_Really think so?_

_I am your inner thoughts smart one._

_Right._

* * *

Chapter 4 has arrived. Tell me what you liked, disliked, and of course any corrections.


	5. Chapter 5: Third Time is The Charm

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect. (Wish i did though)

Disappointed with the lack of reviews for the last chapter. Oh well! Here's chapter 5. Enjoy!

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Chapter 5:

Third Time is The Charm

With Shepard already off of the Normandy, Joker hobbled to the medical bay to get help changing from Dr. Chakwas. "So, Joker," said the doctor, pausing for dramatic effect. "Getting ready for your big date?"

Joker was not one to ask for help with his disease, but he was willing to sacrifice his ego for getting to spend more time with Shepard. "I don't know how big of a date it is, but yes, I do need help," he stated slowly peeling off his shirt. Even getting his shirt off was a problem for the crippled pilot. Without his arms in his crutches, Joker had to stay completely still to avoid damage. After getting the blue shirt halfway up but getting stuck, he sighed and pulled it back down, and sat on the examination table. _This is why I don't change all the time._ With help from Dr. Chakwas, Joker was had his pants halfway off when Liara walked in from the back room. Luckily Dr. Chakwas did not jump; otherwise, things good have gone poorly.

"Oh, excuse me," said the asari turning a deeper blue. "I was not aware that the two of you were engaging in the human mating process."

"Whoa, wait a minute. No offense Dr. Chakwas, but I have no interest in 'mating ' with you," said Joker defensively looking back and forth between the human and the asari nervously.

"I must have misinterpreted the situation," replied Liara turning even darker. "I'm so awkward around people, especially around humans. It's just that, usually when two beings disrobe each other, it leads to something…intimate."

"Actually, Joker needs help changing," stated the doctor rather bluntly.

"Oh? I was not aware he needed assistance," said the asari walking closer. "You seem to pilot the Normandy fine Joker."

"It goes like this," started Joker. _Here we go. _"I have Vrolik disease, brittle bones, my legs break and crack all the time. But of course, I don't need my feet to drive the Normandy."

"Is there no cure?" questioned Liara eyeing Dr. Chakwas.

"Not that the Alliance has," said Dr. Chakwas, resuming her assistance with Joker. "I have no idea about any of the other races."

"I am unsure if we asari have a cure for such a disease, but I will be sure to look into it."

Joker gratefully nodded his head and smirked at Liara. After another fifteen minutes, Joker was changed into fresh clothes and began climbing the stairs. _In another fifteen minutes, I might be at that damn airlock._ Finally out of the Normandy, Joker punched the descent button on the C-Sec elevator, when Ashley slipped in the door. "Here to warn me again?" asked Joker.

"Listen hotshot, you only get one warning. If a second warning were needed, your leg would still be in that brace. Besides," she said, softening her voice. "You seem to be hitting all the right buttons Joker. Just like you do on the Normandy."

"If only women were as easy to control as a ship," stated Joker, rubbing his face.

"But where would the fun be?" teased Ashley. "Half of the challenge is trying to figure us out," she finished with a wink. At that, the elevator door slid open and the bustle of C-Sec met the two's eyes and ears.

Letting out a whistle, Joker stepped out from the elevator. Apparently, Joker did not step quickly enough, and was promptly bumped into by a gruff looking turian. Luckily, the pilot was able to recover in time to catch himself with his crutches before tumbling to the ground. _Another reason to avoid crowds. As if I didn't get enough stares from having crutches, now I get bumped into and people stare some more._

After safely getting to the rapid transport system, Joker once again punched the button for Flux. _I get the feeling I've done this before. Let's hope that this time I don't have to fight some thugs. _Once at Flux, Joker was pleasantly surprised to Laura waiting for him this time at the same able. With a smile, the pilot took a seat across from his Commander. "So here we are again Commander."

"Joker, you can call me Laura when we're off the Normandy," said Shepard, laying her hands on the table.

"Okay Laura, what is like to be a Spectre?" asked Joker, eyeing her.

"Daunting really. Before, the Alliance was depending on me for simple missions. Elysium came to me. Now, I got all the races to protect, and this is no run of the mill mission. We actually are saving the galaxy this time."

"I here ya Comm- uh, Laura. Does it ever freak you out?"

Laura sighed heavily, "At first it did. But now, I just try and do what I feel is right."

Joker leaned closer, "What if it isn't the right choice?"

"I can only hope that I've made the right choice, and if I didn't," the Commander let out a breath. "Then I guess we're stuck with that decision."

"Kinda makes you see things from Udina's point of view," chuckled Joker.

"Udina's an ass. He means well, but the way he goes about things makes humanity look like spoiled children," replied Laura pulling on her shirt. Complimentary drinks came, and Laura murmured her thanks.

Joker held up his glass to his date, "To you Commander. May you always follow rule number one, and kill the enemy before they kill you."

Laura shook her head as Joker took a swig, "No Joker, to you. May you always pilot the Normandy to victory," to this, Laura drank her glass.

_And may I get the girl, _thought Joker.

After a light dinner, zero alcohol after the toast, and more shameless flirting, the two were ready to return to the Normandy. _Let's hope our return to the Normandy is easier this time around. Normally I would complain about walking, but she's worth it. _No sooner had Joker thought these thoughts, when the same two thugs that attacked them last time, emerged from the shadows. This time however, they wielded Tsunami X assault rifles. _Crap, I don't think my crutches are going to cut it this time._

"Well, well, well, looks like the same pilot who thinks he's a tough guy still hangs around Flux," said the shorter one.

"And it looks like the high and mighty Commander Shepard has taken pity on him, and gave him another date," sneered the other.

"Hey baby," said the first, taking a step towards Laura. "Why don't you date real man like me, or my friend here?"

The second started to laugh louder and more dramatically than necessary. Taking advantage, Joker used his right crutch to knock the deadly assault rifle away, followed by the left to the man's gut. Unfortunately, this was not enough to disable the thug. Smirking, the delinquent grabbed the crutch, and snapped it in half. Joker was forced to balance on one leg before the other thug drove his assault rifle into his skull. Joker crumpled to the floor, several bones crunching on the way down.

The degree of pain caused Joker's body to slip into unconsciousness. As he was blacked out, Laura went to work. As the two thugs laughed over the crippled man's situation, Shepard took her pistol she had hidden and knocked the taller one out cold. As his companion crumpled, the other turned, and received a high kick to his face. The thug's head hit the wall and he slumped to the ground.

Joker awoke in the medical bay in the Normandy. _Not again. I have got to stop going to Flux. _When Laura's face popped into view, Joker's mood lightened considerably. "I thought I had him."

Laura chuckled and shook her head, "Yeah, you had him, but there were two."

"You couldn't at least hold the other guy back?" queried Joker, feeling strangely happy despite his situation.

"I thought you had them too, considering your track record," Laura egged on.

"I don't think they were drunk this time."

"Definitely not."

"Now Commander," said Joker.

"Yes?"

"Why am I so happy? I know my legs are broken," Joker asked, pointing to his legs for emphasis.

Dr. Chakwas chimed in, "Morphine is an excellent drug."

"Indeed it is good doctor. In fact, it is a very familiar friend."

"I think I made it worse," admitted Laura sheepishly. "The thugs I disabled kind of fell on your legs."

"Peachy," groaned Joker. "So Dr. Chakwas, how long am I out? There aren't braces strong enough to hold me up now, and the Normandy is not exactly wheelchair friendly."

"I believe I have a solution," said Liara sheepishly from the door to the other room.

"Oh yes," said Dr. Chakwas. "Liara believes that she has found a solution."

"A solution?" asked Laura.

"As in a medical solution?" queried Joker excitedly. "A cure? For Vrolik disease?"

Liara did not respond, but timidly stepped towards the pilot looking at the floor. When she was close enough to Joker, the asari finally spoke, "This may not work. The steps that I researched were for similar cases. I will first mend your bones, and then attempt to permanently strengthen the bones. This will either only mend your bones similar to a cast, or mend your bones and make them normal."

The three humans in the room raised an eyebrow, and looked to each other in disbelief. They were waiting for something specific to happen, or preparations to be made, but Liara simply closed her eyes and gently placed her hands on Joker's legs. The asari leaned her head back, and shouted, "Embrace eternity!" Liara's eyes snapped open, and turned black.

Joker grimaced as he felt his bones slowly move back into place. The pilot was not sure that he knew exactly what was going on, but he could have sworn, that his bones were growing to meet each other in their proper place. What would have taken months, took minutes. Towards the end, Joker felt his bones become heavier than he was used to, and he took this as a sign that things were working. Liara's head snapped back down, and her eyes slowly closed. When they opened once more, they were the normal shade of blue once more.

"Well?" asked Dr. Chakwas and Laura together.

Joker shrugged, and slowly shimmied to the edge of the examination table as the asari moved. Joker tentatively placed both feet on the ground, and stood slowly. Joker looked around to see if everybody was in safe catching distance should the worse happen. And for the first time, Joker took steps without his crutches. The tem miniscule steps brought applause from the occupants in the room.

"Very nice," rumbled Wrex from the door to the mess hall. "Now if we can teach him how to actually shoot, maybe he could be more useful in the field."

Ashley pushed the krogan from the door, "You're an ass Wrex. Congratulations Joker, you deserve it."

"Yeah Joker," chimed in Alenko, his face coming into view. "Good job Liara," he said flashing a thumbs up, to which the asari blushed.

Next in the doorway were Garrus and Tali. "A nice resourceful technique," commented Garrus.

"Given more time, I'm sure I could have constructed something for you Joker, but I guess that's not necessary now."

"Were you all really pulling for me?" asked Joker incredulously, shaking his head.

"You may be an ass Joker," said Laura, stepping closer. "But you're a lovable ass."

"Commander?" asked the pilot.

"Yes Joker?"

"You're standing on my foot."

* * *

Please review now that you have read this far. Should I continue? Yes? No? A hint would be nice.


	6. Chapter 6: They Don't Train For This

All my thanks to my faithful readers/reviewers, and to any new people, HI! So here is the next chapter, and you had to know that what you will read was coming. (You'll see)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Mass Effect. And if I did, why would I write this story?

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Chapter 6:

They Don't Train For This

Joker crouched behind the crate; his hands were shaking as he gripped his new pistol. _Jesus, this is crazy. But I ain't got a choice._ Joker waited, as heavy metallic footsteps grew louder as the geth stalker got closer. The pilot gulped in a steadying breath, and slid across the metallic floor out from his hiding place. The stalker hesitated to register this new situation, and that was Joker needed. Fifteen shots rang out in quick succession and landed into the flashlight head of their target. _Bingo._ Relieved, Joker stood over his fallen enemy in victory.

"Simulation complete. Calculating grade…calculations complete. The grade received is an A."

"Booyah!" shouted Joker, raising his pistol into the air.

"Yeah, yeah," rumbled Wrex from the simulation computer. "Next time, I'll raise the difficulty."

"Bring it on big man," challenged the pilot.

"Enough," came Laura's voice from the elevator as the doors opened. "Somebody needs to pilot this ship to wherever I want to go," she said in a mock pout.

"Commander," said Ashley, looking up from her rifle maintenance. "You should be happy that Joker could complete up to level ten in only his second day of walking."

"Yes, his accuracy is quite impressive despite his lack of training," assessed Garrus. "In fact, I bet he could come out on a mission with us."

Joker raised an eyebrow, and looked towards his Commander. Currently, Laura's right thumb and finger supported her chin while her left arm supported her right elbow. "Perhaps, but it will have to be on a planet where we can actually dock and not one of those missions that Hackett keeps giving us."

"I'd be honored ma'am"

Wrex snorted, and shut down the simulation computer. Finished, Joker accompanied Shepard to the elevator. As Laura hit the button for the second level, Joker leaned against the sidewall rail and waited for the slow ascension to begin. "Damn elevator," mumbled Joker, kicking at the floor.

"Oh, don't know, there are some uses for a slow elevator," said Laura.

"Obviously not to get anywhere quickly."

"No, definitely not. However, it can be useful to clear your thoughts amongst other things," she said, sitting next to him.

"Such as?" Joker queried, as the elevator slowly stopped.

"This," she replied, quickly planting a kiss on her pilot's face as the doors opened.

Thoroughly shocked, Joker sat dumbfounded against the elevator wall as Laura scampered away to other parts of the ship. _Wow._

_Wow? How about hell yeah?_

_Right! Hell Yeah!_

Joker took a deep breath and stepped out from the elevator. After quickly ascending the stairs to the top level, Joker settled into his chair and warmed up the Normandy. With all systems in working order, Laura arrived to request her next location. "And the winner is?" queried the pilot.

"The winning planet is Noveria. We've had reports that Matriarch Benezia has been spotted on that planet," replied Laura.

"I've heard that uh, shady things happen there. All in the name of, you know, good business," said Joker with a shrug.

"Luckily, I don't have to put up with their bullshit," stated Laura, crossing her arms. "Spectres don't have to put up with all their military red tape."

"So Commander," began Joker. "Can I really come along?"

"Come along?" queried Laura. "No. You can participate, and you can take part in this mission, but you can't 'come along' like an observer. But yes, you will be accompanying me and Liara."

"Liara? Because Benezia is her mother?"

"She wants to come, and yes, I believe she should."

"Okay Commander, I'll contact you and Liara in about…seventeen hours," said Joker as he examined his console, and plotted the course.

"Seventeen hours? You have to stay in that chair for seventeen hours?" Laura asked incredulously.

"Well Commander, as you know, most of our trips were considerably short, and getting anywhere used to take almost as long as the trip itself," explained Joker. "But what will you do Commander? Dream about your sexy pilot, and giving more kisses in the elevator?"

"If you weren't so close to being right Joker, I would have had your ass," teased Laura.

Joker finished with his console and stood from his chair, "Close Commander?"

Laura looked behind her left shoulder, and then her right to make sure nobody was listening in. She leaned in, and whispered into Joker's ear, "Why dream, when you can actually do it?" Laura pulled away, and winked at her pilot. She then turned around and sauntered away from the cockpit.

As Joker watched her go, he smiled triumphantly. _Why aren't you following her?_

_Give her some space, you know, I don't want to crowd her like a dog begging for attention._

_When did you get so smooth?_

_Beats me._

_You got ten seconds before I mentally kick your ass._

_That makes no sense._

_Neither does standing around as the Commander gets away._

_Right, leaving now._

_You better._

Joker swiftly hit the autopilot button and threw his hat in his chair. The pilot got down the stairs in time to hear Laura's conversation with Kaidan. "You plan on taking Liara?" asked the Lieutenant.

"Yes actually. Why Kaidan? Do you have an interest in her?" Laura queried back.

"She's cute, if you like the bookish type," responded Alenko, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"And do you?"

Kaidan visibly blushed under the orange lights, "Yeah, I do. What about you and Joker?"

"I'm a Spectre," teased Laura. "That's classified."

Both Joker and Kaidan snorted, "Right Commander," said Alenko as he walked to the medical bay presumably to see Liara.

Laura turned from watching Kaidan leave, to the stairs, "You coming Joker?"

Embarrassed, Joker could only respond, "Yes ma'am."

The two settled into Laura's room in the dim light. "So what do you want to do for the next," Laura paused to check her watch. "Sixteen and a half hours?"

Joker ran a hand through his short brown hair and chuckled, "Something tells me the answer isn't make furious love to the pilot."

Laura pleased Joker's ears with her laugh, "As great as that would be, and trust me Joker, it will be great, but not now."

"Will be? I like the sound of that Commander," said Joker, leaning back in the chair.

"Calm your hormones flyboy."

"Flyboy? I haven't been called that since my first day out of flight school. So what do you want to do?" continued Joker.

"I thought I would really annoy you and play cards. You know, that whole Joker thing," said Laura nonchalantly.

"Got a particular game in mind?" asked the pilot, brushing off the cliché joke.

"Damn, thought that would get you," Laura replied with a fake frown. "How about fifty two pickup?" said the Commander, tossing the pile in Joker's face.

The pilot laughed heartily as he caught a large portion of tee ck and threw it back at his Commander. "I'm under attack!"

The two continued the shameless flirting game, until they were both red in the face and out of breath. The bombardments ended the two began cleaning up the cards strewn about the room. Joker had his hands on two cards that were on the floor, when Laura's hands grasped the cards as well. Joker looked up at Laura and smiled at his Commander, causing her to blush. Joker took Shepard's hand in his other, and kissed each of her delicate but strong fingers. _Soft, strong, and tasty._

Both Joker and Shepard pulled each other closer, and dropped the two cards they held. Joker slowly met his lips with Laura's and enjoyed his first real kiss with Commander Laura Shepard. The two slowly pulled away must to each other's dissatisfaction. Laura spoke first, "Wow. Uh…that was amazing. And as much as I would like to stay, I have other things to attend to."

"Damn other things," muttered Joker. "Well I should let you get to it." Joker picked up the two cards and slowly rose to his feet. Joker looked at the two cards, and could not help but laugh. "I think I'll keep this one, and you can keep the other," said Joker as he tucked one card into his breast pocket, and placed the other on the table. Joker chuckled as he walked out the sliding door, leaving Shepard to watch him leave with an eyebrow arched.

As Shepard made her rounds around the Normandy, Joker returned to his chair in the cockpit still laughing. It was not until later that Laura once again came to the cockpit to seek refuge in Joker's company. As she settled into the copilot's chair, Laura took out the card that Joker had left her from her breast pocket. "Care to explain?" she inquired playfully.

"It's very simple," explained Joker. "What is you card?"

"The joker card," stated Laura, showing her pilot the card. "And yours?"

"A queen," he responded. "Queen of Hearts to be exact."

"I think I'm starting to get the picture," hesitated Shepard.

"Let me help you Commander," said Joker turning to Laura. "Your card is me, and mine is you. I plan on keeping this card in my shirt pocket over my heart for the sole purpose of being cliché."

"That's sweet," said Laura, as she kissed Joker before she left the cockpit.

"You know Commander, we still have another five hours left. We could-"

"In your dreams Joker," said Shepard over her shoulder, waving her hand.

_Damn._

_Relax, you got the girl._

_So true._

_Mental high five!_

_All right, focus on what's next. You are actually going to have to go out on Noveria and fight._

_Right. Crap._

* * *

So chapter 6 is out, and i didn't think i could get an entire chapter out without getting to another planet. Hoped you loved it, and even if you didn't let me know by reviewing!


	7. Chapter 7: Out Cold

A/N: I'm not going to bother bringing up anything about the issue i had recently with this fanfic. For those who have no idea, don't worry about it.

Disclaimer: i own nothing of Mass Effect

Chapter 7:

Out Cold

Joker landed the Normandy in Port Hanshan as he closed the files on the icy planet. _Founded in the year 2163, population of over three hundred thousand, and of course the temperature is a cozy negative one degree Celsius. _"So Joker," started Laura, waiting at the airlock with Liara. "Learn anything interesting that I need to know about Noveria?"

"I have got to stop looking up stuff in front of you, these quizzes really suck," responded the pilot as he stood.

"Come on," teased Shepard. "You know you want to show off and try to impress me."

Joker blushed, "Guilty. All right, all right. In case you haven't noticed, it's freezing out there. The Noveria Development Corporation, otherwise known as the NDC, owns the colony. Those guys are funded by firms that develop new experimental technology, while an Executive Board represents their 'interests.' Needless to say Commander, some of the activities are a bit seedy, but Noveria isn't part of Citadel space. However, your Spectre status lets us investigate and carry our boom sticks." He finished, cocking his pistol.

"Cute Joker," said Laura, as she hit the airlock release. "First order of business is to get you some sort of armor. It's not like you have biotics to protect yourself."

Once outside the Normandy, everybody felt the stinging cold that Joker referred to before. Liara was protected by her jumpsuit and hr biotics, Laura by her armor, but Joker had nothing but a short sleeve shirt and some pants. _So I pass the oral exam, but fail in the practical test. You knew it was cold you idiot!_ The party was almost inside, when a security detail halted their progress.

"I have to confiscate your weapons now," Joker heard the officer say.

"Commander," started Joker. "If you give away our weapons, I'm going back aboard the Normandy."

"Relax Joker. I'm not giving you our weapons, I'm a Spectre, and this is my team."

Another officer took a step forward, "If you don't give us your weapons, we'll take them from you, by force."

These words caused both parties to draw their weapons and point them at each other. _What a great welcoming party._ "You have until the count of three," the leader said. "One." _Crap. _"Two." _Crap, Crap. _"Thr-"

"Stand down officer," said a voice from a PA system. _Thank God. _"Commander Shepard's Spectre status has been confirmed."

After being let inside and safe from the cold, the shore party was met by Gianni Parasini, who told them that Matriarch Benezia was up at Peak 15. However, they needed a garage pass n order to get there, because all shuttles were shut down due to the blizzard. Joker sighed, "Things are never simple, are they Commander?"

Laura shook her head wistfully, "Of course not."

The party was directed to a salarian named Anoleis. Once out of the elevator, Joker went in the direction of the Administrator's office until he realized that Laura was busy talking to a hanar merchant. _Right, armor. _After perusing the different armor types, the three decided that a medium armor would suit the pilot best. _Nothing too heavy to slow me down, but too light would leave me exposed. _The Predator M suited Joker perfectly, and coincidentally matched Shepard._ A sign perhaps?_

Before they could leave, the hanar inquired if Laura would bring in a package without alerting the guards due to her Spectre status. "So you want the Commander to smuggle?" queried Joker

The hanar visibly flinched at the pilot's bluntness, but consented that smuggling was indeed his intention. After denying the jelly-like alien, the party continued to the salarian's office. After being let into the office of Anoleis, the party was greatly offended at the salarian's bluntness, which bordered on outright rudeness. _This guy thinks he a hot shot, when in reality these companies own his ass._ After being denied a garage pass several times over, Shepard stormed from the office only to be stopped by Parasini.

"You don't deal with politics very often, do you Commander Shepard?" asked the secretary. "You can't just bludgeon through things with Anoleis."

Shepard replied, "You sure? I've been known to bludgeon pretty damn hard."

"Commander, I believe she wants to help us," interjected Joker.

"There's a turian named Lorik Qui'in, and he was investigating Mr. Anoles for awhile, but got shutdown," whispered Parasini.

"Great more runarounds," sighed Laura.

The pair met the turian who was thoroughly enjoying his drinks. Apparently, the turian had found substantial evidence that proved that Anoleis was skimming off the top for his own profit. _As if he really needed any money, the guy runs the entire port here. _The files were in Qui'in's office, which was, of course, guarded by the corrupt security force the Anoleis held in his pocket like so many credits.

Getting into the office building was a snap with Qui'in's pass card, but they quickly ran into trouble as they exited the elevator in the form of two security grunts. "You don't have authorization to be in here, leave now," said the female.

"Are you really here legally?" queried Laura. "Perhaps I should contact the real authorities," she threatened.

The male counterpart laughed, "You don't scare us with your politicking."

"Then how about this?" asked Joker, pointing a gun. "Shepard here is a Spectre, and we have deemed that you are criminals. We're authorized to kill criminals," to which Laura cocked her pistol threateningly.

"Hey, uh we were just doing our jobs," hurried the male.

"How about, we didn't see you and you didn't see us?" continued the other.

"Humans, can be smart when necessary," chimed Liara opening the elevator door for the fleeing guards.

Unfortunately, the two hapless grunts were not alone, but instead a substantial unit had been dispatched to search the turian's office. Joker was crouched behind an unnecessarily large planter as the gunshots began to ring out. Joker had honestly hoped that his first actual kill would not be a human. _Not much of an option right about now is there? _Joker provided covering fire as Liara lifted several unlucky opponents into the air who became easy pickings for Laura. _We're running like a well-kept machine. _They continued in a similar fashion until they reached a room with a computer that sat alone on a desk.

After entering the pass code and getting the evidence, the three began to exit the office, when a blonde officer that Joker recognized from the dock impeded their path. With two cronies by her side, the woman appeared very smug and confident. _She doesn't carry a rifle, so she must be a biotic. But even Liara carries a pistol._ When she felt that the silence had gone on long enough, the woman spoke, "Now that you have the evidence, I can't let you leave Shepard. And I don't need my rifle to take you down."

Without warning, the woman let out a wave of biotic power that knocked both Liara and Joker to the ground. Not pausing to rise, Joker began firing from his back at the two grunts with great success. The first cried out in pain and grasped his knee that had received several shots from point blank range. The other was able to avoid the shots from the pilot, only to be caught by Liara's shaky accuracy. Meanwhile, Laura and the woman, whom Joker remembered was named Stirling, were locked in fierce combat. Laura had her pinned down with a shotgun, and wouldn't even let the women shift behind her cover without firing a shot, for fear of her biotics. Finally, Laura took a grenade from her belt, tossed it over the barrier. As Stirling rolled away from the grenade, Laura caught her with a blast that tore through any remaining shields the biotic may have had.

The trio was finally able to exit the building through the elevator. As they waited for the descent to complete itself, Joker rocked back and forth on his heels expectedly. Eyeing her pilot, Laura finally turned and asked, "Yes Joker? Something bothering you?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just waiting for more crap to go wrong," he said nervously.

"You get used to it," shrugged Shepard.

"You mean you feel like this all of the time?" queried Joker. "Jesus Christ."

Both Laura and Liara giggled at the pilot's dismay, as the doors slid open. Waiting for the Spectre and her team was Parasini. "Did everything go well Shepard?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Laura, holstering her pistol.

"Just meet me at the Mezzanine, _before_ you speak to Qui'in if you will," said Parasini as she turned and left.

"Was there any reason why we couldn't talk to her here?" asked Joker indignantly. "I mean, honestly, it's just us here in an empty hallway. Come on."

"If she wants to be all annoying ad mysterious, that's her prerogative," said Laura, obviously as frustrated as Joker. "But it doesn't mean we have to like it," she finished with a huff.

They re-met Parasini at the Mezzanine to learn that she was actually an internal affairs officer. _The plot is so thick it's practically like soup. _The goal was to have Qui'in testify against Anoleis, something he turian was loath to do. After some hard negotiating, which involved threats of pistol whipping and financial trouble, the alien agreed. _Finally, now we can get out of here._

The shore party informed Parasini of the good news, and then went to the Administrator's office to watch the ensuing carnage. As the salarian was being 'escorted' out of the office he started making demands that Shepard arrest Parasini. When he realized the Spectre was in on the plot, he spat in Laura's direction and began shouting certain choice words. Irate, Joker went over to where Parasini was busy handling Anoleis. "Let me help you with that," said Joker. The pilot drew his pistol and swiftly introduced the salarian's face to the firearm. Parasini nodded her thanks and led the alien away.

_Nobody talks to Laura like that. Nobody. I'd do the same to Hackett if I had to._

Laura came up behind Joker and gave a long whistle. "A little hot tempered there Joker?" asked Laura, grasping his shoulder.

"Nobody deserves to be called the things he said to you," said Joker, pulling at his collar nervously.

"So, now that we have a garage pass, who wants to go out into the freezing cold and go to Peak 15 where there are probably hordes of geth waiting to kill us?" queried Shepard, making light of their situation.

Joker mentally raised his hand, _I would follow you anywhere._

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So i hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review and if there are any qualms about my writing, feel free to message me.


	8. Chapter 8: Out Cold Part 2

I don't own Mass Effect...duh! Part 2 of the Noveria plot is here for your reading pleasure.

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Chapter 8:

Out Cold Part 2

Joker crouched behind the crate; his hands were shaking as he gripped his new pistol. _Wait, haven't I been here before? _Joker hated to admit it, but Wren's simulation program was actually helping the newly walking pilot. However, this time around, Joker was not inside the Normandy, but rather the garage of Port Hanshan. Also, Joker was not facing a lone geth stalker, but a host of geth with Laura and Liara taking cover with him.

"Joker, cover Liara!" roared Laura over the random shots of the geth.

Joker nodded and steadied his pistol over his trusty cover and opened fire. Laura sprinted to the right from her cover to another hiding place. With the geth divided on whom to shoot, Liara stood and released her biotic warp. The synthetics quickly fell from the coordinated attack that overpowered the element of surprised the A.I.'s formerly had. The three relaxed as the adrenaline slowed in their veins and the security team crept in, looking extremely frightened.

The flight lieutenant was barely listening as Laura smoothed over the security team. He and Liara were busy prepping a Mako that was left in the garage. Within minutes, Laura was walking towards the two of them with a frown on her face. "If Benezia left geth in here, there are sure to be more guarding the approach to Peak 15. Let's go, and Joker?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"No backseat driving."

"Wouldn't think of it."

With Shepard driving, Joker manned the turret. The machine gun took care of any routine geth troopers, but occasionally the cannon had to be used to eliminate the turret guns, armatures, and colossuses. The geth were not the only hazards that the three faced on their way to the facility. High winds and blinding snow threatened to push even the heavy Mako off of the ridge if Laura did not errantly steer them off herself.

"Commander!" shouted Joker over the roaring winds. "I'm seriously considering going back to the Normandy. And staying there permanently I might add."

"Relax flyboy, we're here."

Everybody disembarked from the Mako, and sprinted inside to escape the biting sting of the cold. The large room echoed with the ensuing gunshots from the awaiting geth troopers and krogan warlord. Joker had never faced a krogan that had biotics. _Wrex doesn't really count in this scenario._ While he expected the various biotic powers, the pilot was overwhelmed by the massive creature's speed. Before Joker could even find cover, Laura was thrown across the room against a very solid wall, and Liara was put in a stasis field and then backhanded to the ground.

"Shit," cursed Joker.

The krogan cackled, "Scared human? Only a three-person crew for a facility like this? I'd be insulted if I wasn't enjoying crushing all of you."

Joker was glad that the alligator looking alien was busy with his monologue because it gave him the opportunity to grab an assault rifle from one of the many fallen geth. The pilot peeked out from his hiding spot of crates to spot the krogan to his left. Joker steadied the rifle over the crates and squeezed the trigger. The projectiles tore through the krogan's kinetic barrier before he even turned to face the threat. Before any further damage could be done, the alien fired his shotgun at the crate that Joker was behind.

The bullets tore into the crate and ripped through all of Joker's protection from the short range. Joker's head exploded from the pain and stars danced in front of his eyes as he fell to the floor. The krogan smirked as he stood over the fallen pilot and lowered his shotgun. Joker thought it was the end when Shepard flew in from outside of his vision with a shoulder block. The two went sprawling to the ground and their guns clattered to the grounds. Laura began punching the krogan in effort to gain the advantage over her adversary.

Under excruciating pain, Joker slowly clambered to his feet clutching his pistol. The pilot raised his pistol in his right hand, as his left clutched his bleeding torso. _Where the hell is Liara? _Finally, getting a target, Joker squeezed off a shot that pierced the skull of the unlucky krogan as he started to punch Shepard back. _Hands off._ With the battle high gone, the pilot collapsed only to be caught by Laura.

"Hey there Joker," smirked Laura.

"Hey there Commander, normally I would enjoy being in your arms, but there seems to be a problem," said Joker groggily.

"Oh?" queried the commander withdrawing a medigel syringe.

"I appear to be bleeding…a lot."

"Nothing a little medigel can't fix," she encouraged plunging the needle into the wounds, at which point Liara came over massaging her jaw.

After recovering from the battle, the trio continued deeper into the facility. "Why are the turrets facing in?" Liara asked.

"They want to keep the secrets in as much as they want to keep spies out," Joker noted.

"Encouraging," said Laura flatly. "Come on, let's get this VI back online."

"If it will make it shut up, jeez."

The next part of the facility led outside much to the dismay of the shore party. No sooner had they found a way back inside when large insect-like creature swarmed all around them. "What the hell are these things?" asked Joker as he began to fire.

"I recognize these things, they're rachni!" shouted Liara.

"Didn't the krogan wipe them out like two thousand years ago?" queried Laura unleashing her assault rifle.

"Apparently not," replied Joker as the last one succumbed to the onslaught.

Joker fell into a battle haze. The events of reactivating the VI Mira were a blur to the pilot. He was not sure if it was from the injury he received from the krogan or if this was how Shepard felt all thee time. Before he knew it, they were already at Rift Station. The trio disembarked from the tramcar, and entered the only unlocked door to find a very twitchy security team.

"Who are you?" asked their leader stepping out from cover.

"Commander Shepard, Spectre. And you?"

"Captain Ventralis, my men and I are guarding the perimeter here for the scientists," he replied.

"How are they?" asked a concerned Liara.

"They're keeping it together, but my men are exhausted, and taking stims to stay alert." The captain did not get to continue because several more rachni burst from the vents. Both the captain's men, and the Shepard's team quickly mowed down the insects. "I don't understand why they keep coming here, its such a natural kill zone," explained Ventralis.

After explaining that they were looking for Matriarch Benezia, the captain gave them a pass to the hot labs where she was located. The trio headed to the appropriate leevator relieved that they did not have to jump through hoops to get things done. _Well that was easy,_ thought Joker as the elevator slowed to a stop._ Maybe too easy. _"Hey Commander?" asked Joker nervously.

"Too easy?" queried Laura, drawing her assault rifle. The vents around her rattled and hundreds of rachni swarmed in response to her question.

"That would be a yes!"

The party desperately opened fire in the hopes of quelling the infestation of the insectoid aliens. There was no end to the rachni warriors as their tentacles got closer and closer. "Back to the elevator!" roared Laura over the din of weapon retorts and rachni screeching. Joker nodded and elbowed the button behind him and backed quickly into the elevator while still shooting. Liara was next into the elevator, throwing up barriers and throwing the rachni away with her biotics. Joker waited anxiously for Laura to enter the elevator so they could escape, but Shepard was still firing. Instead of waiting for orders, Joker grabbed the commander by the collar of her armor and threw her into the elevator while slamming the button.

"I am so shooting that Ventralis guy when we get back," stated Laura as he breathed heavily.

With the elevator back up, Commander Shepard made a b-line for Ventralis's post. When they found the perimeter abandoned, Laura was even more vexed and stomped in the direction of the signs pointing to the barracks. The door opened, and the captain was clearly shocked to see the team alive.

"Commander Shepard…I uh…crap,"

"Let me guess," Joker began. "You were under orders from Benezia, and you were hoping the rachni would kill us?"

The captain nodded, "I apologize for lying, but I'm also sorry for this." Without another word, the captain and his team opened fire. However, the ragtag and stimmed crew were no match for the team.

"Sooo, now what?" asked Joker.

"I vote for finding another way," stated Laura.

"Perhaps the scientists know another way," suggested Dr. T'Soni.

After asking around, a volus pointed to a door that circled around the outside and led to the hot labs. _See? Eggheads can be your friends._ The trip outside was quick and painless with only a lone rachni warrior in the way. Entering the hot labs, the trio saw Matriarch Benezia standing over a console.

"Did you think that bringing my daughter would change anything?" queried the asari as she turned to face the three.

"I came of my own accord," stated Liara. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will defeat you if I must."

"Have you ever faced an asari commando Shepard? They are a force to be reckoned with," stated Benezia as she readied herself. Geth and the said commandos came streaming from the many doors in the hot labs. Biotic powers and projectiles crisscrossed through the room as the team alternately fired and looked for cover. The geth were dispatched with ease, but the asari were a different story. Not only did they have impressive biotic powers, but they were extremely proficient with their assault rifles. With the help of grenades, the commandos were quieted and Benezia stopped firing.

"Listen closely Shepard. We found the Mu Relay from this rachni queen's genetic memory. This mass relay leads to the Conduit. Take these coordinates, I've already transmitted them to Saren so you must hurry. Beware of Saren's ship, Sovereign. It is like a whisper in the back of my head. I can feel it-I-I…DIE!"

"Shit," cursed Joker as the team was blindsided by more geth and commandos. Instead of firing on the new threats, the pilot chose instead to fire at Benezia. The asari cackled and hurled a ball of dark matter that sent him sprawling across the floor. By the time he got back up, the geth and commandos were once again defeated and the entire team pressed the attack against the matriarch.

Finally, the great asari fell and died. What came next would haunt Joker for many days. Laura was squinting into the chamber that held the Rachni Queen when one of the asari commando corpses was dragged to the wall that held the large insect. From the broken and eerie conversation, Joker came to the realization that the Queen was truly sorry for the Rachni Wars and that if set free, would stay well away from Council space. _And she wants us to wipe out her young? How motherly._

"Commander," whispered Joker. "Can we really trust this thing? It's a giant insect for crying out loud."

The asari puppet twitched, "Do you not remember the bias towards your own being? We can hear your song: sad and full of mourning in the start, with people staring as they whisper. Towards the end, we hear hope and love. Will you give us that same song?"

The Queen's eloquent speech struck a chord within the pilot, and he nodded. Laura smiled and raised the platform, allowing the incredibly large queen t go free. "Where will she go?" asked Joker. "She's a big freakin' bug, I think she's stuck here."

Laura shrugged and led the team to an elevator that brought them back to the tram level. From there, they entered another door that gave way to a scientist who was visibly shaken. After spilling his story, the man was about to give them the code that would disinfect the labs when his blood spattered on everybody's faces. "Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Joker as the rachni warrior was instantly killed. The three rushed to the fallen man's side to find that his life was lost. The code in his breast pocket outlined the steps for the purge.

"Neutron purge activated," stated Mira as the code was entered. "Lab will be purged in two minutes."

"Time to go," said Joker quickly as he turned to leave. The room before the elevator flooded with hostiles as rachni warriors came from every possible crevice and crack in the room.

"No time to shoot them all," said Shepard as Joker began to draw his pistol. "Just set your shields and get to the elevator."

The team agreed and began sprinting towards their salvation. As several rachni closed in, Joker kneed one in the face as Liara sent out a wave of biotics to further clear their path. Once inside, the elevator doors thankfully slid shut and began ascending. As they neared the top, the shaft rocked and shook violently as the purge sanitized the labs.

"From geth, a Rachni Queen, oh and of course the lovely 'business' people we meet." said Joker. "You just gotta love the places we go Commander."

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter and sorry it took so long to update! So Read, Review, write messages!


	9. Chapter 9: Not Your Average Paradise

Sorry this took so long for me to update. I'll try harder get things going quicker.

Yeah I own nothing of Mass Effect... too bad.

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Chapter 9:

Not Your Average Paradise

After the crew was debriefed on Noveria, Joker received a priority message directly from the Council. _That's strange; usually we have to beg just to get a message to them. And now they want to contact us? It must be important._ "Commander?" began Joker as he keyed the conference room. "I have a message from the Council, I think you're going to want to hear this."

"Hit me flyboy."

The pilot chuckled and transmitted the priority alert. The Council received a message from a salarian STG unit on the planet Virmire. _A Special Task Groups unit? Well I guess they attract less attention than a Spectre._ The message was mostly static, but was sent on an emergency channel reserved for critical communications. _So they're probably asking for backup and the Council is sending us? Shepard is probably just as effective as a fleet._

"To Virmire Commander?" Joker asked after the Council signed off.

"My wish is your command mister," teased Laura.

"Of course ma'am. Wake you in an hour…ma'am?"

"You catch on pretty quick."

"I try."

After accessing the appropriate mass relay, Joker began researching their next destination. _Third planet in the Hoc system of the Sentry Omega cluster. Frontier world…hasn't been colonized because the Terminus Systems are so close. Tropical terrain, oceans, islands, seems like a paradise. But nothing is ever what it seems right?_

"Are we there yet?" queried Laura from behind the pilot's seat.

"Now young lady, I woke you with an hour to go right?"

Laura mocked a childish sigh, "Yeah."

"And how long did it take you to get ready and get up here?"

"Ten minutes," groaned Shepard.

"So what's sixty minutes minus ten?" asked Joker, barely containing his laughter.

The Spectre feigned counting on her fingers, "Fifty minutes."

"So who's your crew? I'm picking up AA towers and I have no place to land. I'll have to drop you in the Mako so I can put the Normandy down someplace," explained Joker.

"Nuts, I was just getting used to you on the shore party," complained Laura.

"I know you just can't get enough of me. So who's going?"

"Give me Ash and Wrex pretty please," she said as she walked away.

"Well alright," called Joker over his shoulder. "But only because you said please."

With technology, flying under the radar of AA towers is much harder than it used to be. In the past, pilots used to fly planes from afar and lower to an altitude below the range of AA towers. _Unfortunately, I have a space cruiser._ However, now AA towers possess much larger areas and have smaller areas that are considered 'under the radar.' _Still, it has to be done all the same. No use complaining if I call myself the best pilot in the Alliance Fleet._

In order to land on any planet, a ship has to come out of FTL speeds and dump even more heat than to float in space. The Normandy did so and engaged its stealth systems. While this helped avoid any alarms set off by scanners, Joker still had to immediately drop to the altitude required, which drew grunts from any unsuspecting crew members. Joker spotted a suitable LZ in a shallow river that eventually led to the source of the salarian's signal.

"Alright Commander, we have a successful drop. Radio in when the approach's AA towers have been disabled, and I'll take the Normandy down."

"Roger Joker. I'll see you soon."

The next thing for Joker to do was to leave the atmosphere of Virmire while still avoiding detection. _The only good thing is that you can practically follow the way you came in. Too bad the Normandy doesn't leave a heat trail otherwise I could follow that._ Joker performed an old fashioned automobile k-turnaway from the LZ and began retracing his flight path. Everybody onboard breathed a sigh of relief as they broke the minimal altitude and no alarms went off to indicate hostile fire.

Joker did not have to wait long for Laura to radio in that the approach was clear. When the Normandy landed however, the salarians did not seem too happy to see them. The Commander's arrival did little to ease their minds. Apparently they requested an entire fleet to wipe the facility from the face of Virmire, and having Shepard was little consolation. Nevertheless, a plan was put into place to plant a nuke in the facility. This notion did not sit well with Wrex however. With Saren's men finding a cure for the krogan genophage, Wrex's loyalties began to blur. Joker had a front row view as the incident unfolded.

"They can't do this Shepard, it isn't right," began Wrex.

"Calm down," Laura began.

"I will not calm down," he growled back. "We can't blow this place up."

"We don't have a choice Wrex."

"Do we Shepard?" queried the krogan. "You claim to be my friend, but Saren is helping my people," he said drawing his pistol.

Laura reciprocated his action, "Don't make me do it Wrex."

"Help me out here Shepard, now with your gun in my face, the line between friend and foe aren't so clear."

"What the hell Wrex? How can you say that?"

"It's pretty simple Shepard, I prefer my people alive rather than dead."

"Saren is evil. Remember those mercs you told me about? Besides, he's just using your people. Are you prepared for what he will do to your people when he's finished?" Laura reasoned.

Wrex sighed and lowered his pistol. "No. The Council used us for the rachni, and then neutered my people. I don't think Saren will be that kind."

Joker let out a low whistle in relief and sat back in his chair. _The drama is going to kill me. _With the krogan dealt with, Shepard returned to the STG leader to carry out their plan. Three separate salarian teams would assault the back of the base while Shepard and her team went the back way and planted the makeshift nuke.

"Joker, are you sure you're comfortable ferrying a nuke around?" queried Laura as she hiked to her destination.

Joker brought every team member's HUD online and snorted. "Do I have a choice Commander?"

"Not really."

"Didn't think so."

Joker sat back and watched the four different HUD screens. Ashley, Wrex, and Laura were part of team Shadow, while Alenko went with the salarians. Both groups had to disable at least one AA tower in order to allow the pilot to swoop in and deliver the bomb and its team. _I hate waiting, but it's part of the job._

Joker watched as Laura disabled the geth communications array and satellite uplink. From here, Joker turned and watched Kaidan's team take advantage of the geth's general disarray. Joker was thoroughly enjoying watching the salarians kick some synthetic butt, when an explosion filled his ears from Laura's audio feed.

"That should take care of those flyers," stated Ashley nodding her head.

Before entering the base, Shepard purposefully set alarms throughout the base. This way, neither the salarians nor the shore party were overtaxed. "Don't you think we should have drawn everybody towards us instead of setting of random alarms?" asked Ashley.

"Our objective is stealth-based Ash, I spread the alarms enough to thin enemy positions so no one single area is especially guarded," Joker heard the commander say.

Wrex hummed his approval, and began kicking down doors throughout the base. Wrex's most recent metal victim led to a room that looked like a prison. _No,_ thought Joker. _More like a holding center for experiments._ As Laura and her team carefully went through the lab, Joker watched as the first of the three salarian teams made it inside the walls. The first team headed towards their predetermined objective of the western most AA towers. Soon enough, the other two teams made it inside and headed towards their respected towers. _Once all the AA towers are down, I'll rendezvous with the salarians at each AA tower after the nuke has been dropped off._

The pilot turned his attention back to Shepard as she let an asari flee the compound. Joker pushed the rewind button to get a grasp on what he missed. _She makes it sound like Saren is scared of Sovereign's indoctrination._ Laura proceeded to the next room as Joker's scanners indicated that three of the four AA towers were disabled. The pilot waited as Shepard checked the room for the bridge button.

"Over here Shepard," said Williams. "It's another beacon. Like the one on Eden Prime."

"Great," said both Laura and Joker sarcastically. Commander Shepard inched closer to the Prothean artifact, and braced herself. The woman was once again lifted into the air, and a vision was burned into her head. For the second time, Joker could only grip the arms of his chair as Laura's HUD camera shook violently. This time however, Shepard landed on her feet and did not fall unconscious. Laura rubbed her temples, "That hurt."

The team went back to searching for the bridge button without asking their commander any prying questions. Soon, a center console was found and the bridge button was pushed.

"You are not Saren," said a metallic voice. Joker squinted at Laura's HUD and saw that a holographic image of Saren's ship had appeared, and was the one talking.

"You're not a Reaper ship, you're an actual Reaper," said Shepard. While Joker was floored by this revelation, he had no time to listen to the remaining conversation. Several scanners beeped as a very large object appeared in orbit around Virmire from seemingly nowhere. _Ah crap, if that's that Sovereign thing we could be screwed. As long as it doesn't do anything, we'll be fine, right?_

Joker looked back at Laura's HUD and watched as the windows in the room shattered. Finally, the team found their much-needed button and looked for the exit. The scanners began sounding of shrilly throughout the Normandy. _Why can't things go right for a change?_ "Commander? That thing, that Reaper ship? It just made a turn that would have torn the Normandy in two. You better hurry up, it's headed straight for he base."

"Any other good news?" asked Laura as she crossed the bridge.

"Well, the AA tower is on the way to the nuke site."

"Peachy."

Joker was not waiting long when the scanners indicated that the final AA tower was down. "I'm making my approach now Commander." As soon as the area was cleared, the Normandy was brought to a hover over the river. The ship technicians scrambled out with the nuke as Laura oversaw the production. About halfway through the process, Kaidan's voice sounded over the radio, "Ma'am, we've got major problems here. The geth just dropped an entire platoon on our position. We need assistance, and the other salarian teams are too far away."

Laura nodded her head and gave Joker the all-clear signal, "I'm on my way, and Joker is about to pick up the other salarian teams."

"I'll stay here with the bomb," said Ashley. "Take Liara."

Liara fell in step with Wrex as they followed Laura towards another elevator. Joker had just loaded the first salarian team onto the Normandy when Ashley called for assistance right as Shepard exited the elevator. _Jesus, there's not enough time to save both. Shepard's got to decide. _Ashley made the decision harder by activating the nuke.

"Go save Kaidan, he's the higher ranking officer."

"Don't worry about me, stay with the bomb and make sure it goes off."

As the last of the salarians came aboard, Joker heard Laura say her last words to the Sentinel. "Die well, give 'em hell."

Joker sped off back towards the nuke to pick up Laura and Williams. As he got their, the pilot came to see Saren choking the life out of Shepard with one formidable talon. Ashley was being tended to by her krogan companion, and both were in no condition to save their leader. Thinking quickly, Joker opened fire on a nearby fuel tank. The resultant explosion knocked the turian to his knees ad was forced to release his human adversary. As the turian regained his feet, the final warning alarm resonated from the explosive. Recognizing what it was, Saren fled to his hovercraft and took off. Laura slung Ashley over her shoulder and scrambled to the Normandy.

With everybody aboard that time allowed, Joker made for the vacuum of space as quickly as his ship could go. From orbit, everybody watched as the explosion ripped across the surface of the planet wiping away both the facility, and the crew's lieutenant.

For once, Joker was numb and could find no humor to lighten the mood. When Laura approached him after blowing ff the Council, the pilot could only lower his head. "With all that happened down there Commander, I don't know if I could have made a choice like that."

Shepard plopped down next to him, "Pray that you never have to Jeff."

Joker eyed Laura at the use of his name, but did not mention it. "Listen Commander, you'll get through this. You always do."

"This is different. I've gotten to know everybody aboard like family, even Wrex," Laura paused to wipe away a tear. "I think I would be crying if it was anybody onboard."

"How did everybody else feel?"

"Ashley is feeling guilty, and everybody is just wondering how I could have made any decision at all."

Joker nodded, "Where to now ma'am?"

"Citadel," she said and curled into a ball in the copilot seat for sleep.

_Sleep now Commander, you deserve it._

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Can't help but notice the lack of reviews for Chapter 8. How can I know what you guys want if you don't review and help out?


	10. Chapter 10: Seeds of Mutiny

Hey guys, sorry for the delay. It's not like me but i've been distracted with the end of school and work. Here's chapter 10!

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Chapter 10:

Seeds of Mutiny

Joker woke his commander as they made their approach to the Citadel. _Looks like they've blockaded the relays. That won't satisfy Shepard. _"Rise and shine," Joker said as his hand stroked Laura's face. Laura responded by nuzzling into her pilot's hand and letting out a sleepy moan. Finally, the Spectre stretched cat-like within the confines of the copilot's chair and sat up.

"Good dream?" asked Joker.

"Any dream is better than our current situation."

"We all miss him ma'am. I'm sure it's especially hard for you; I know you and Alenko were close," said Joker sounding jealous.

"You know as well as I do that I didn't feel that way about Kaidan. You have just ignored all of our recent interactions moron," he retorted and stormed off.

_She's right, you know, you are a moron. Didn't you kiss her?_

_How do I know she wasn't doing the same with Kaidan?_

_This is Laura you're talking about; she doesn't shower until everybody is asleep or the second deck is empty._

_Okay, fine. So now what?_

_Talk to her numb-nuts._

_Right._

Joker set the docking procedures and went to Laura's quarters on the second deck. After knocking, Joker was greeted with Laura leaning in the doorway. "This better be good."

Joker removed his hat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I, uh… I screwed up pretty royally didn't I?" Laura answered with a nod. "I'm sorry I questioned your feelings and I know that you didn't have any feelings for Kaidan… and I'm sorry." The pilot paused and finished lamely, "We dock in two minutes."

As the flight lieutenant went to leave, he felt familiar hands and arms wrap over his shoulders and around his chest. "You really are hopeless, I hope you know that," Laura said which she followed up with kisses to the neck.

"I know, it's all part of my appeal. The ladies love the socially pathetic," Joker responded, enjoying each and every soft kiss. _Oh, that's the spot. How does she always hit that spot?_

"Do they now? Well maybe you should take your act on the road," Laura teased followed by more kisses.

"No no. I'm enjoying my current position quite nicely."

"Too bad," Laura said and abruptly let the pilot go almost causing him to fall. "You, me, and Tali are going to see the Council.

Joker sighed theatrically, "Well I guess two beautiful women outweigh the depressing Council."

Laura smirked, "Just keep your eyes up and try not to get distracted," she said as she started up the steps.

"No promises."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

For Joker, the elevators of the Citadel just seemed to invite short conversations that either ended when the ride did, or were paused until another elevator ride came. "So Saren and his geth are on the run Tali. Are you excited to get some payback?"

Tali's response came with its usual metallic twang. "As much as I enjoy destroying any geth I come across, my people are still exiled and will continue to look for a suitable uninhabited planet. No amount of geth deaths will change that."

"I wasn't aware that the quarians were actively searching, I thought the Migrant Fleet was home."

"Yes, many of my people call the Migrant Fleet home. However, it is only a temporary solution, just on a large scale," Tali said with a sigh.

The doors to C-Sec slid open, and from there the transport system was taken to the Council Chambers. Once the meeting began, it was obvious that the Council had already made a decision.

"It is obvious that these Reapers are a convenient lie that Saren is taking advantage of," remarked the turian councilor shaking his head.

"And this Conduit is a wild goose chase designed to lead us away from the Citadel," continued the salarian.

"All the proper mass relays have been blockaded in the event that Saren and his geth attempt to foolishly attack the Citadel," finished the asari.

_It's like they practiced this speech with each other._ "This is just great," Joker whispered to Tali. "We do all the work, and they're content to sit back on their butts."

"This is typical," Tali responded with a nod. "The Council will do anything to avoid looking like aggressors with the Terminus Systems."

"Send my team. With the Normandy, we can easily reach the Mu Relay without being detected," argued Shepard, bringing her companions from their side conversation.

"Absolutely not!" shouted Udina. "You may be a Spectre, but the Normandy and her crew still belong to the Alliance. I am hereby grounding the vessel until further notice."

_Thanks a lot Udina, I never thought that I would be embarrassed to be a part of the Alliance. _"You bastard! You're selling us out!"

"Who in blazes is this human?" asked the turian councilor.

"Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau," he answered.

"Not for long," muttered Udina. "Shepard, you and your team are done now. It is time to let the Council plan the next course of action, with my help of course."

The trio trudged back to the Normandy with heads hung and curses muttered. Joker plopped into his chair as Shepard stormed towards the stairs.

Joker sighed, "I guess I should go check on her. Damn it Udina why must you be such an ass?" The pilot pried himself from his chair and asked Pressly to watch over things. _Not that there is much to do. _Joker was halfway down the stairs when he heard various forms of slamming and banging. _Ah, that would be my fair maiden now. _Soon, the two mess hall "chefs" went running up the stairs as Joker stopped at the landing. _That bad huh?_

Shepard finally slammed the locker door shut and sat down next to it in a huff. "Is the locker not cooperating Commander?" the pilot teased as he sat down next to her.

"You know, lockers and politicians are very similar Joker," remarked Laura as she gave the locker an elbow for emphasis.

"Is that because they're both full of shit?"

"You stole my punch line," Shepard said, playfully shoving the pilot.

"What can I say? I'm the best."

"If you're the best, how about you get us the hell out of here?"

"I sure wish I could," Joker said as he leaned his head back. "Hell, I even think the crew would go with us. But Udina locked us out, it ain't right Commander," he said, standing in frustration.

"What can we do Joker? We're stuck in political hell."

"Somebody once said that they could, and I quote, 'I can bludgeon pretty hard.' Come on," said Joker, holding out his hand.

Laura smiled and grabbed her pilot's hand. Joker pulled a bit harder than necessary, and Shepard ended up in his arms.

"Smooth Joker."

"I try Commander."

"So are you going to kiss me, or am I going to have to order you to?"

"Honestly? Either way works for me," replied Joker with a smirk. _This is it Joker old boy. It's just you, the Commander, and some alone time. All you have to do is-_

"Commander Shepard?" crackled Pressly's voce over the intercom. The two quickly separated. Joker could only rub the back of his head sheepishly as Laura grinded the heel of her hand into her forehead.

"Yes Pressly?" Laura asked with annoyance.

"We received a message from Captain Anderson. He wants to meet you at Flux."

"Thank you Pressly. Really, I mean seriously, your timing could not have been better," answered Laura sarcastically.

"Uh, thanks. I guess."

Laura turned and raised an eyebrow at Joker. "Go ahead. I need a cold shower."

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Jah, that was chapter 10, i hope to get the next chapter up soon because i have a bit more free time


	11. Chapter 11: Comforter and Thief

I'm so happy that new people have added this story to their alerts and favorites. Inspired by this, I have pumped out Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Comforter and Thief

"Sooooo, what exactly are we doing at Flux Commander?" queried Joker. "You and I don't exactly have the best track record here."

"So I noticed," responded Laura, as the beat of the music pumped into her ears. "Still, if Anderson wants to see us, it must be important."

Captain Anderson was not a hard man to find. Even in civilian clothes, Anderson's bulk made him stand out and other civilians avoid him. Anderson was nursing a clear drink in a tall, thin glass. As Shepard, Joker, and Garrus approached him, the captain nodded solemnly. "Have a seat Shepard. You want to get out of this place?"

"Like a bat out of hell sir," responded Joker.

"Like a what?" asked the turian.

"Never mind," answered Laura. "You got a plan Captain? I believe we're all ears."

Anderson put his glass down and hunched over the table. "I believe I have two possible ways of getting you and the Normandy off of the Citadel. Udina may be my superior now, but I'm not about to let the universe get blinked out of existence because he's an ass," Anderson paused and looked up as two Alliance crewman passed their table. "One option is to get to the dock and override the lockdown codes. The other is for me to withdraw Udina's orders from his computer."

Joker raised his eyebrows in surprise at the Captain's daring. Shepard huddled with her team, trying to sort everything out. "What do you think Garrus?"

"Well, the consoles at the dock will most likely be guarded by C-Sec, and now Alliance," the turian reasoned.

"Yeah," added Joker. "And somehow, I don't think Udina is so paranoid as to have his office guarded. Besides, Udina has made it personal."

The group agreed that getting into Udina's office would be much easier. When Garrus pointed out that if worst came to worst, Udina would only be at his computer. This idea seemed to amuse Anderson. "I'll take care of Udina. Just let me know when you're ready in the Normandy."

"Good luck Captain," said Shepard as she stood. "I'll let you know when I've wrapped everything up here."

The three companions squeezed through the crowded seating areas and then the dance floor. As they came to the top of the steps, Joker had the feeling that they were being followed. As soon as he turned to voice his concerns, Garrus fell unconscious down the steps from a well-placed pistol whip. Laura also fell as she was shoved from behind. Joker feared that he would suffer the same fate, when a beefy arm wrapped around his neck, threatening to suffocate him.

Joker strained his neck to look at his attacker before the black spots in front of his eyes covered his vision completely. _You got to be kidding me. This guy looks like an older and more ugly version of my two favorite thugs. _Joker turned back to face front and look at Garrus and Laura. Garrus was out cold, lying in a crumpled heap. Laura however, was struggling to her feet, sporting a nasty gash over her right eye.

"So now the cripple can walk, and the mighty Shepard can actually bleed," growled the thug.

Joker's thoughts raced from screaming for help, to realizing that the deafening music would drown out his pleas. Laura drew her sniper rifle and steadied the firearm on the separator between the two sets of steps. "Joker," stated Laura. "Don't move."

_I'm a freaking hostage, what the hell am I supposed to do? I knew I should have stayed on my beloved ship._

"Your shot better be damn good Shepard," warned the thug, as he shrank even more behind the pilot while still maintaining his stranglehold.

Joker could only stretch his neck more to alleviate the pressure of the man's bicep. The pilot simply could not break eye contact with Laura as she tried to focus through her scope. _Jesus, her eye, _thought Joker as a new icy fear worked up his spine. Then Laura did something that Joker though might as well have been his death sentence. Laura switched so that her left eye without the gash was peering through the scope. The pilot stopped struggling and stood completely still in order to allow Laura the best possible shot.

Joker took a deep breath, and bowed his head. _One…oh lord…two… I swear I'll never surf the intranet again…three_. A shot rang out, silencing the music from the nearby Flux. The man that previously held Joker slumped to the floor, with his head hanging over the steps. Joker simply sat cross-legged next to his attacker and slowly let out his breath that he had previously held. "Jesus."

"You can call me Laura."

"Please don't ever do that to me again. If Saren wants to destroy Flux and the thugs that hang around it, he can be my guest," Joker said lowly.

"As selfish as that is, I'm inclined to agree, Laura said as she offered her hand to the seated pilot. "By the way, I think we're even now. Two for me at Flux, and one for you on Therum and here."

"Yeah, sure. We should check on Garrus," Joker said as he looked down the flight of steps. "Who knew the turian couldn't take pistol whip."

Garrus groaned and slowly got to his feet, "I heard that."

The ground shore party made it back to the Normandy without any other incidents, but the crew that was not privy to the meeting with Anderson was still dejected. "I'll talk to the non-Alliance people like Wrex along with Ashley, while you talk to your crewmates," Laura told her pilot once they exited the airlock.

Once in front of his fellow Alliance personnel, Joker could find nothing to start the conversation. _What am I supposed to say? 'Hey everyone we're purposely breaking regulations and we can all get court-martialed,'?_

Pressly spoke up first, "We're not staying here are we? Anderson must have come with a plan."

Joker nodded, "If any of you aren't willing to face the military board, than now is your chance to leave." Nobody moved. "Alright then. Everybody needs to be ready as soon as we get the green light. If we do this right, the Citadel fleet won't be able to catch up."

Everybody simply scattered to their stations and began running system checks and diagnostics. It was not long until Shepard came up to the flight deck and stood behind Joker in his chair. "I've contacted Captain Anderson, it shouldn't be long now." The pilot nodded solemnly and made a steeple with his fingers. And so they waited. The two simply stared at the orange light indicating that they were still locked out. After ten minutes, Joker turned apprehensively to his commander to which she responded with a shrug. As they turned back, the light thankfully turned green.

"Get us out of here Joker," Laura said as she pounded her fists in excitement on the back of the pilot chair. "I want us gone two weeks ago."

Joker smirked and throttled the Normandy in reverse and k-turned out of the Alliance hangar. They were already entering the nearest mass relay when the first alarm was raised. _Like taking candy from a baby. Except this candy is one of a kind and costs trillions._

Once the Normandy exited the Mu Relay, Joker set it to drift in stealth mode. "Good work flyboy," said Laura as she flipped Joker's hat off of his head. "I'll be in my quarters should anything go amiss."

"Aye ma'am," nodded Joker. "I'll be here. We have several hours before we reach Illos. Maybe I'll stop by later," he ended as joke.

"I'd like that," she whispered into his ear. And with that, she slinked off towards the stairs.

_Is it hot in here or is it just Laura?_

_All right now calm down. Relax. Start breathing._

_Yeah, there is no need to rush in like a sex-starved maniac._

_Even if I am._

_This isn't just about you!_

_It isn't?_

_No, it's about you being romantic (finally) with Laura._

_So how long should I wait?_

_Wait until the skeleton crew is on duty. You know "nighttime."_

Proud of his decision, Joker nodded to himself and put his hands behind his head. N his final act of contentment, Joker did something he had seen in the old holovids. He crossed his legs, and placed them over the console as he made to get some rest.

When Joker woke from his nap, he found that he had been asleep two hours. With the skeleton crew in place, Joker once again asked Pressly to hold down the fort, and proceeded down the steps. As the pilot approached the door to Shepard's quarters, he noticed that the lights were off, but the neon orange glow of the computer flickered from within. As he approached the entryway, the doors slid open to reveal that Commander Shepard was asleep in front of her computer.

_Not exactly the most romantic mood. _Joker sighed, saved every open document, and switched off the computer. Next, he lifted Laura into his arms, and gently placed her in the bed. Hoping that she was comfortable, Joker kissed Laura on her forehead and went t remove her arms that he had placed around his neck.

The only problem was, Laura had no intention of letting go. "Leaving so soon?"

"I thought you were asleep," Joker whispered.

"I was, but I'm glad I'm awake," she replied and kissed her pilot in the crook of his neck.

"I'm glad you're awake too," he chuckled as he sat in the bed. "You nervous about Illos?"

"'I've been in a lot of crazy situations in my military career. But this? This makes my entire career look like an appetizer," stated Laura quietly as she sat up. "I don't know Jeff, this feels like a sort of last hurrah."

"You don't think, you're coming back from this?" the pilot asked as he wrapped Laura closer.

"I'm not sure. Something tells me that it won't be Illos, but this whole Reaper mission," Laura replied as she rested her head on Joker's shoulder. "This goes deeper than just Saren and Sovereign, and I'm truly frightened."

"I know that I'm scared shitless too. And I don't have the same wealth of experience to draw upon," said Joker, as he kissed the top of Laura's head.

"Don't worry handsome, I'll protect you," Laura teased as she kissed her lover on the lips.

"What about me? I can still save your ass from places like Therum," he teased back, returning the kiss.

"Or you could shut up and kiss me Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau."

"Aye aye ma'am."

The kisses began at the lips, but soon turned towards the neck and chest area. Joker's shirt came of first, followed by Laura's, and so they traded clothing piece by piece. The two did not hesitate to caress and kiss every curve and inch of each other. It was the most romantic night for the two of them, not to mention a personal first for a previously crippled pilot.

Hours, yes, hours later, Laura woke to find joker gazing at her from the other side of the bed. "Rise and shine commander."

"That was…" Laura sighed. "Oh Joker."

"Really?" queried Joker, raising an eyebrow. "I can handle the truth Laura."

"Come here lover," Laura said opening one arm while the other held up the sheet.

"Aye aye ma'am"

"You did promise me the stars didn't you?" asked her pilot as the snuggled together. "You sure delivered."

"That's not what I meant when I said that I was the best the Alliance had to offer," Joker noted.

"Would you like to reapply?"

"Sounds like a challenge," growled Joker, rubbing his coarse beard into her neck.

"Not the beard!" exclaimed Laura between fits of laughter.

"Attention Normandy crewmen," came Pressly's voice over the comm. "We are now one hour from Illos, all hands on deck."

"Damn it Pressly, your timing is horrendous," groaned Joker as he reached for his clothes.

* * *

I'm also proud to note that the ten chapters of this fanfic have been viewed more than my completed 15 chapter Star Wars fanfic. Thanks guys! Also, as always, any reviews, comments, concerns, questions, and suggestions are welcome1


	12. Chapter 12: Separation

A big thank you to everybody that gave reviews and made my story their fav or on their alert. I never thought i would get this far! And i have to thank all that have read so far for spurring me on. BTW it's Ilos not Illos.

* * *

Chapter 12:

Separation

To be tactful, Joker arrived at the helm first complaining of the tight confines of the sleeper pods. "We have problems Joker," said a very distressed Pressly.

"I can see that," Joker stated flatly as he sat.

"What's the situation?" queried Laura, looking from the navigator to the pilot.

"The geth are waiting for us," Pressly noted on the chart. "We're scanning the remainder of the planet now. So far, there have only been small energy fluctuations."

Ashley and Tali soon came to join the discussion, as they were Laura's intended shore party. "Where do we stand Commander?" asked Williams, trying to squint out the viewport. "Can those geth ships see us?"

"Joker?" queried Laura expectantly.

"We're good. Geth ships don't have viewports, so they couldn't look out into space for a visual even f they wanted to," responded the pilot, crossing his arms.

"I found him!" exclaimed Pressly excitedly. "He's in the western hemisphere, sector T, W-32, N-87."

"Then that's where we need to be," Shepard said. "Joker, take us in."

"We can't," Pressly said from his terminal. "There's not a landing zone close enough, we'll never make it!"

"Then prep the Mako," Laura ordered, turning to leave. "Joker, drop us in."

"We can't," Pressly said again.

"I'm getting tired of your negative attitude," Laura intoned, turning back around.

"The Mako needs one hundred meters for a safe drop, and the closest I can find is only twenty," Pressly said, wiping his sweaty brow.

"Find another landing zone!" shouted the Gunnery Chief.

"There isn't one," Pressly responded angrily. "Anything that could be safe is too far away."

"I can do it," Joker stated quietly. Everyone turned at the usually brash pilot in surprise.

"Come again hotshot?" queried Laura with a smirk.

"I said 'I can do it,' Commander," Joker said calmly.

"Of course you can," reassured Laura, kissing the pilot before leaving. "Once we're on the ground, get into contact with Admiral Hackett and convince him to gather the Alliance fleet at the nearest Mass Relay that goes to the Citadel."

"Ma'am?" asked Pressly. "What do you mean by this?"

"The Reapers plan on attacking the Citadel, I know it," stated Laura. "Saving that station is more important than rescuing me. Even if nothing happens at the Citadel, you can always come back for me."

"But Commander, what if-" started Joker.

"Stow it, and drop us in the Mako flyboy. I'll see all of you later," Laura said with finality. "And that's a promise. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard."

Everybody left the cockpit as Joker prepared for the most difficult maneuver of his career. _Calm down, no need to panic. You know what the Normandy can do._

_Yeah, just try not to focus on the fact that lives hang in the balance._

_Exactly, this is just another training session. _

"Tali to bridge," came the quarian's voice. "We are ready for Mako drop."

"Affirmative," replied Joker. "Beginning descent."

Joker sent the Normandy into a steep dive towards the twenty meters long drop coordinates. _This could get a little rough. _Pressly yelled something from his console that the pilot blocked out in order to concentrate. Soon, the Normandy broke the atmosphere of Ilos at blistering speeds. Alarms started to go off both in the ship and Joker's head, as every pilot instinct told him that what he was doing could kill them all. From the viewport, Joker could see a very derelict city, and the small army of geth that guarded it. Pressly shouted something about coming in too hot when Joker slammed the drop button and pulled back on the controls as hard as he could.

Joker could not watch as the Mako sped toward the ground, as he was too busy willing the Normandy to ascend. _Come on baby. Show me what you got. Show me why we spent trillions on you._ The cruiser thankfully pulled up and over the very large bunker and soon exited the planet's gravitational pull. The entire crew let out their held breaths in relief. _It doesn't matter if we survived if Shepard and the others don't._

"Shore party to Normandy," came Laura voice over the comm. channel. "I have confirmation of a successful drop."

The crew cheered and came to the helm to pat Joker on the back in triumph. _Now for the hard part. Not just for me, but for everyone. Leaving Shepard behind._ Joker sighed, and set the course for the closest relay that would take them to the Arcturus Cluster to see Hackett.

As the Normandy entered FTL speeds towards the nearest relay, Joker was surprised to hear Wrex lumbering towards him. "I have to thank you Joker," he rumbled.

"Oh?"

"Thanks to your antics I've robbed Vakarian of over one thousand credits."

"Have the two of you been betting over my relationship with the commander?" queried Joker, finding it hard to focus on piloting the cruiser.

"It's about the only thing exciting that happens around here besides the killing," Wrex said with a devilish grin.

"I can't imagine what you would do without the killing," Joker replied.

"Life wouldn't be worth living without death," Wrex responded, cracking his neck.

"Oh that's deep," Joker scoffed, adding snaps for effect. "Exactly what facets did you two bet on?"

"I already told you about the first date and the lack of sex," started Wrex. "Then there was post Noveria, then when we were locked out, and then going to Ilos," he finished triumphantly.

"How do you know all these things?"

"Krogan senses," he said with a cackle and then lumbered off.

_Great._

The console in front of the pilot beeped to alert him that the relay that would take them to the Arcturus Cluster was close enough to take the Normandy out of FTL speeds. As they entered the relay, the lithe footsteps of Liara surprised Joker. "Um, Joker?"

"Yes doctor?"

"How are you?" queried the asari awkwardly as she sat next to him.

"I've been better. I'm not keen on leaving those three behind," replied Joker, tearing his eyes from his work in order to look at the scientist.

The blue alien sighed, "Yes, leaving people behind does tend to lead to hurt and sorrow."

"Yeah, especially ones that you care about," Joker said.

"Yes, especially so," returned Liara, staring at her hands.

"I'm sorry, but are we talking about me and Laura or you and Kaidan?" Joker asked bluntly.

"It seems I cannot mask my feelings as well as I thought," Liara said pitifully.

"When you're a pilot, you tend to notice things," began Joker. "I saw that big goofy grin Alenko gave you and how you turned even more blue when you cured me. Thanks for that by the way."

"You're welcome. I must admit, I loved Kaidan, and at first, I was angry at Shepard for leaving him behind," Liara said, getting misty. "But then I realized, that it was what he wanted."

"I went through the mission logs Liara, he did want to be left behind," Joker said somberly, as his fingers flew over the keyboard. "But I have something else for you to hear. There's no visual feed, but I think the audio should be enough."

Joker brought the logs up of Kaidan's final minutes on Virmire. It began with the nuke's countdown sequence sounding off. "That's our cue boys, any last things to say?" came a salarian's voice.

"For the universe," replied one.

"For freedom," came another.

"For love," said the lieutenant's voice.

"Anybody in particular?" asked the first salarian voice.

There was a long pause, and the sound of an explosion. And then came a faint whisper, "Liara."

Joker killed the feed and turned to the asari archaeologist. "I just thought that you should hear that."

"Thank you Joker," Liara said, wiping away a tear before standing. "Shepard is truly blessed to have you." With that, the asari walked away towards Alenko's old panel.

Joker had no time to muse on the feelings of Liara because they had just arrived at the Arcturus Cluster. The pilot looked out at the Stanford torus type space station known simply as Arcturus Station in awe. _Home sweet home. I'll never forget growing up around all of those starships._ The station is home to the Alliance Fleet, the N7 program, and is both the military and political headquarters of the Systems Alliance. _I remember learning about all the Mass Relays nearby and where they lead. And of course the one that leads to Earth._

The Normandy was swiftly given a hangar by Hackett himself. When he was informed of Shepard's absence from the Normandy, he personally met Pressly at the airlock. "What's going on? Where's Shepard?" Joker could hear Hackett ask through the bulkhead doors. Pressly's response could not be heard, but it got the job done as Hackett's voice came over the entire Alliance frequency. "This is Admiral Hackett. Fifth Fleet, mount up and gather into formation at Relay Alpha, we're going to have to save the Citadel if the worst should happen."

As the Normandy refueled, Joker punched up Laura's HUD view only to receive static. _Please be okay Commander. Nobody else can put up with my crap._ Joker knew that being several systems away was probably the biggest reason why he could only get static through the feed, but there was still that nagging possibility in the back of his head.

With the all-clear signal, Joker steered the Normandy into formation with Fifth Fleet. The hours ticked by, and every pilot in every ship surfed the emergency frequencies for any trouble. At one point, Joker could have sworn he heard the voice of Matriarch Lidanya, the commander of the Destiny Ascension, but it quickly cut out. After more waiting, the Normandy was hailed by the Citadel, with the sender initializing it L. P.

"This is Joker," the pilot said into the channel. "Tell me that's you Commander." _How the hell did she get there?_

"You were expecting the tooth fairy?" queried Laura's voice.

"I've got the Fifth Fleet waiting right outside the Mass Relay, we're just waiting for your orders ma'am."

"Get your ass through and save the Council onboard the Destiny Ascension," she responded smoothly, and then there was a crash. "Shit."

The entire fleet entered the relay and was dumped straight onto the battlefield. Geth fighters surrounded the asari dreadnought, threatening to overwhelm the sluggish ship. _Didn't I say size isn't everything?_ The Normandy sped towards the flagship, dodging and weaving geth ships causing them to hit each other with friendly fire. Joker deftly steered the Normandy as his crewmates coordinated shots at the geth ships. _Just focus on not getting killed, and the crew will do the rest_. Once the Ascension was safe, the arms of Citadel began to open revealing Sovereign on top of the Citadel Tower.

"What the hell is that thing?" came one pilot's remark over the radio. The helmsman was quickly cut off by a red laser that tore the ship in half.

"Stay clear of those lasers and tentacles," came Hackett's voice over the radio band.

Joker concentrated at the view in front of him as the Normandy identified friend from foe. As the Citadel Tower came into view, a marker for Laura Shepard popped onto the screen. _She's there? You have got to be kidding me._

The ferocity of the Reaper's attack slowed and it appeared to weaken. _What is going on? _"It's weak," came Hackett's voice again. "Fire at will!" Joker soared the Normand straight "up" and away from the massive ship as Pressly prepared the crew for a firing salvo. The Normandy flipped and dove towards Sovereign as the crew fired mercilessly. The Reaper ship began to fall off the Tower and soon broke into pieces.

The radio frequency became filled with cheers and shouts of joy at the fate of the enemy. The geth were in full retreat, and the Council was safe aboard the Destiny Ascension. Joker laced his hand behind his head in a feeling of triumph. The feeling was short lived as he looked out the viewport at the scene in front of him. A very large piece of Sovereign was falling towards the Citadel Tower, where Laura's marker was still holding. The debris crashed into the tower and shattered through the window.

"Oh God."

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So was it good? I sure hope so! This will probably be the second to last chapter. So sad! If you like my writing style and KOTOR, i suggest my other story To Eternity. Yeah shameless plug I know. Now Review!


	13. Chapter 13: Lost and Found

And so this tale comes to an end. The whole choose the Council thing is gone, as i felt that it was unneeded. Enjoy!

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Chapter 13:

Lost and Found

Joker was damned if the lack of traffic control officers would stop him from docking at the Citadel. _Shit like that never stopped me before, and it sure as hell won't now._ The entire crew could not shake the image of the last few pieces of Sovereign crashing into the Citadel Tower. As soon as the Normandy was in place, Joker, Wrex, Liara, and Garrus were practically beating down the door to exit the craft.

Anderson was the first to greet them. _I'm sure as hell glad he survived. _Udina came next from the elevator to C-Sec, signaling that it was operational. _Not so much._ The elevator ride was painfully slow, and nobody said a word. As the doors hissed open, Joker sprinted towards the steps, favoring them over the elevator. The pilot took the metallic slabs two at a time until he reached the door to the Presidium.

Fires were everywhere as the fire suppression system struggled to keep up. C-Sec officers tended to the wounded, but Joker paid them no heed. _I've got a more important person to save. _Joker stopped at the elevator that would take him to the top of the tower. _More importantly, to Laura._

As the elevator descended to pick up the pilot, Anderson, and the rest of the crew, minus Udina, ran up behind him. "Stupid elevators," everybody muttered darkly. The doors slid open and Anderson entered his priority pass-code to speed their journey to the top along. Joker could not begin to fathom the horror that was in store for them at the top of the shaft.

_As long as limbs are still attached, my stomach should be fine_, thought Joker. The pilot refused to let his brain even skirt around the possibility of Shepard's demise. Everybody in the elevator knew that the odds were against Shepard and her shore party, and with Laura defying them so many times; her luck was bound to run out.

The doors hissed open, but nobody dared to look at the scene that was in front of them. Finally, Joker looked out into what used to be the Council's Chambers. The view window that looked out into the nebula cloud had shattered, but the Citadel's breach protocols sealed the gap with a kinetic barrier. The piece that had crashed into the tower had broken into many other pieces that were strewn across the floor or embedded into the walls and floors.

The crew gaped at the damage, but then snapped into action as they remembered the task at hand. Joker went with Anderson, and joined a C-Sec officer who was analyzing every debris pile he came across with his omni-tool. "We have to make sure that we can move these piles safely so that if anybody is trapped beneath, it doesn't collapse."

"We're looking for two humans and a quarian," Anderson said calmly.

"Knowing Shepard, she probably pushed the other two away," Joker added. _Damn hero._

The blonde man scanned his latest pile. "Here, I got heat signatures," he said excitedly. "This panel should be safe to move," he finished, flicking on his flashlight.

Anderson and Joker squatted and pulled at the large shrapnel that the officer had dubbed a panel. In the dusty and dim light, Joker could barely make out two shapes. It was not until they had the flashlight, did the pilot recognize Ashley's distinctive pink accents on her armor. "Over here," called Anderson.

Everybody pitched in to wriggle Tali and Williams from the wreckage left by the Reaper's demise. "I can't believe she pushed us away," coughed Ashley.

"Where is she?" questioned Joker, shaking the Gunnery Chief.

Anderson pushed the frantic pilot away, "Where's Shepard?"

Ashley and Tali could only look with forlorn all over their faces towards the worst of the wreckage. "She had just finished crawling out of the lower garden, when she pushed us down the steps," Tali explained. "I'm not sure how the debris fell so that we were protected, but the odds of the same happening to Shepard are…low."

Anderson and Wrex helped the two women hobble to the elevator. Joker stared at the wreckage for a long time. There were more Reaper pieces visible than there was floor. _Not a good sign. _"No, oh God no," uttered the pilot as he ran in the direction of Laura's last known location.

Joker jumped over debris and gave any pile a brief scan for signs of life. "Laura?" called the distressed pilot. "Come on, talk to me!" Joker waited in silence for the faintest call of help, but got nothing in response. _Shit shit SHIT. _Joker began his search anew, searching more and more piles as he moved towards the origin of the crash into larger piles of twisted metal and broken bits of Citadel ceiling or floor.

Joker spotted a particularly large pile that seemed to call to him. _Had to be the biggest pile in the entire site didn't it?_ Joker shined a field flashlight into the gaps of the pile, hoping to catch a glimpse of Laura. "Shepard?" Joker waited, and waited. When he heard more silence, the pilot was undeterred. _Pilot's intuition is never wrong._

Joker called the C-Sec officer over to determine the best way to dismantle the pile. "I'm not getting a heat signature, but the pile is pretty dense, so I'm not sure," the engineer said.

"We're moving this pile."

"Let's start from the top. It's the best way for this pile."

Everybody on hand formed up into a sort of fire brigade to remove the debris. Only Joker, the officer, and Anderson were on top of the pile to prevent any collapses from too much weight. The hours sprinted past as more and more people came to help. "I've got heat!" exclaimed the C-Sec officer. "It's very faint, but it's her," he finished, showing the display to Joker.

The pilot scrambled to his knees and began clawing away desperately at the twisted metal. _I have to get to her before it's too late,_ the pilot thought frantically. Inch by inch, Shepard slowly came into view: first the hands, then the feet, followed by head and thighs. Joker had almost completely uncovered Shepard, when he came across a very large piece that had fallen across the commander's chest. Joker pulled with all of his might, but the piece refused to budge. The pilot tried again and again until he swore that his shoulders would pop from their sockets.

Joker sat abruptly onto the pile next to Laura in defeat. "What is the point of building up your arms with crutches if you can't lift a damn piece of metal," came Wrex's grating voice.

"Care to help?"

"Only because you made me a small fortune," came the krogan's response.

"I'm sure."

With the help of Wrex's biotics, Joker was able to lift the final piece of off Laura. The pilot quickly inspected his commander to be sure that she was free of any large shrapnel pieces that could be exacerbated. Satisfied, Joker slid one arm under Laura' neck, and the other behind her knees, and slowly lifted her up.

As quickly and as delicately as he could manage, Joker carried Shepard from the pile. "Medic!" he screamed. "Get me a goddamn medic!" Two field medics and Doctor Chakwas arrived with a crash cart in tow. Before he could even sigh in relief, the medics whisked Laura away.

"Aren't you going to follow them?" queried Ashley as she came limping up to the pilot.

"I'd only get in the way, but I got dibs on the next elevator," Joker responded wearily.

"Chakwas knows her stuff. If anyone can do it, it's her."

_I only hope we weren't too late._

_I should have been there._

_You would have died up against Saren._

_I could have saved her._

_She would have pushed you away as well._

_If she dies, I'm responsible. I was the reason Sovereign broke apart like he did._

"Joker!" shouted Ashley. "Are you okay? You seemed lost in thought."

"I just can't help but think…"

Ashley wrapped an arm around Joker, "Listen to me, and listen good. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

Joker sighed as the elevator doors opened, "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But it doesn't matter until I see her."

Joker entered the elevator and closed the doors before Williams could join him. He rode in silence, going over every move of the battle. No matter how many different things he changed in his head, the outcome was the same: Laura severely injured. The doors opened to the Presidium and Joker trudged back to C-Sec.

_Stop beating yourself up, or you'll go insane._

_You did the best you could._

_Well I guess that my best wasn't good enough._

_It always was for her._

_But not for me, not this time._

As he entered C-Sec, the officers looked with pity towards the pilot. _I hate those looks. I guess the universe decided that being afflicted with a crippling disease wasn't enough._ Joker was approaching the elevator that would take him to the Normandy, when he stepped in something sticky. The pilot hesitated, and looked down at his boot. The tread was covered in dark red blood. _Great. _Joker put his foot down and saw that the blood led into the elevator. _Ah crap._

The elevator to the Normandy was splattered with blood. _Shit, either the commander woke up and started convulsing, or the medics removed something. Something big. _The elevator arrived, and Joker made a b-line for the Normandy airlock. The decontamination process seemed to drag on for hours, even though Joker knew it only lasted a few minutes.

Once inside, Joker's rush was replaced with the slow steps of dread. Instead of running towards the medical wing like he envisioned, the pilot slowly crept down the steps. For some reason or another, Joker felt that his volume affected the medical procedure that was ongoing, and so took extra care going down the steps to the second deck. The Flight Lieutenant attempted to peer into the locked doors, only to have his vision obstructed by the opaque doors.

Joker sat at the mess hall tables, knowing that the medical wing was one of the few private rooms that could not be accessed via the cockpit console. So the pilot sat. And sat. And sat. The pilot listened intently for any sounds coming from the medical room, even if he did know that it was soundproof. _Hell, I'll convert to the asari or turian religion if it means finding the right lord to save Laura._

Slowly, other members of the crew trickled in to sit with the Flight Lieutenant. First came Garrus, then Tali, followed by Wrex, Liara, and finally Ashley. "Well?" questioned the Gunnery Chief. Joker only shook his head in response. "Damn, I heard the longest Chakwas ever took was two hours," said Williams, letting her eyes stare at her watch. "It's been three and a half."

"Actually, its been three hours and forty-five minutes," came Doctor Chakwas' voice, causing everybody to stand eagerly. "Commander Shepard will be fine," she stated, causing everybody to sigh in relief, except for Wrex.

"Shepard's a warrior," the krogan rumbled. "And now she's fought death, and won yet again."

"She was unconscious, but when we got to the C-Sec elevator she woke, and started thrashing wildly. We had to sedate her, and then we went to work on the extensive amount of shrapnel that had pierced her armor. One exceptionally large piece just missed her kidneys. Finally, she has a concussion, and her left leg is broken," her medical speech finished, Doctor Chakwas sighed. "And no you can't see her, not for twenty four hours. Anybody else with medical problems will have to go to the Citadel, as all of our supplies have been exhausted."

The doctor sat down and folded her arms onto the table in a pillow, and rested her head. Joker went to the instant food processor and ordered the doctor a well-deserved cup of coffee. "Thank you Jeff," she said tiredly.

"I think we all agree that you deserve every drop," Joker said, as the rest of the crew nodded in agreement.

"Yes well, I must return to the medical bay," replied the doctor, wearily standing with the coffee clutched gratefully. "I must be sure the certain people do not disturb Commander Shepard," Chakwas said, sternly eyeing a certain pilot.

Joker threw up his hands in mock innocence, "I swear." _Yeah, swear to sneak in as soon as possible._ The doctor trudged to her post, and Joker turned to the rest of the assembled crew. "Tell me we have contraband aboard this ship."

Ashley's eyes danced at the remark. "Of course we do. It wouldn't be a real ship if there wasn't," she said as she headed towards the elevator.

The celebration was quiet, but jovial. Even Pressly joined in the small merry making band. Wrex grunted out an old krogan war song, Ashley attempted an old quarian celebration dance with Tali, and Joker defeated Garrus in an arm wrestling contest. The party eventually died down and ended with several toasts.

"For the fallen," began Ashley.

"To the defeat of the geth," said Tali.

"To the destruction of Sovereign," Garrus called.

"To Doctor Chakwas," said Liara.

"For the warriors," bellowed Wrex.

"To Laura, for…everything" Joker said quietly, silencing the party.

"To you Joker, the savior of our savior," Ashley said sagely.

The final drops of the contraband were imbibed, and Joker was the first to head towards the elevator. _Come on Doc, be asleep,_ thought Joker as the elevator door rose open. The pilot crept to the sleeper pods to find that the doctor was indeed asleep. _Victory!_

Joker slinked towards the medical bay door and found a note waiting for him. "To Jeff: It's Open," read doctor Chakwas' scrawl. _I love that woman. _The doors slid open to reveal a very beat up looking Shepard. "Jeez you look bad Laura," the pilot whispered to himself.

"Yeah, and you're a work of art," came Laura's groggy voice, causing Joker to jump in surprise.

"You scared the crap out of me!" admonished Joker. "How are you?" he asked softly, as he came to her bedside.

"I feel like shit, but at least I'm feeling something," she replied, the tiredness creeping away.

"I thought I lost you," Joker said into Laura's ear as he embraced his commanding officer.

"And you found me," she whispered fervently back and kissed him on the cheek. "I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened if-"

"Shush now, for once the great Commander Shepard can be silent and rest."

"But Joker, you have one last mission to carry out."

"Oh? And what would that be?" queried the pilot, lying next to Laura in her bed.

"Kiss me and fall asleep next to me."

"Aye aye ma'am."

i sincerely hope that everybody enjoyed this story and i feel quite accomplished in finishing it after it looked like it would forever stay in limbo. Please review this final chapter and save it for whenever you need a good laugh.


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